


Am I All That You Never Wanted?

by Thatfatcat4



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Awsten is cool, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Geoff has a fuckton of issues woo, Geoff is homeless, Lmao fuck ciara, M/M, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-02-13 20:39:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 37,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12992094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatfatcat4/pseuds/Thatfatcat4
Summary: Awsten works at Wal-Mart, and lives a pretty dull life until he finds a homeless guy with a moderate amount of brain damage in his garbage can.Also, Awsten is a bit of an asshole in thisAwsten found this, I'm sorry





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't proof read anything, sorry

Awsten's p.o.v

saturday: 8:00 am.

This is not what I needed.

This is not what I fucking needed right now.

It was an average day, kinda gloomy with all the clouds, but it was an okay day where I had to get up and open the doors at Walmart because I got promoted, and am now responsible for some keys and a door.

Good for me.

There was a trash can beside the doors, as always, but this time, there was a guy in it.

And it was my job to wake him up.

I hesitantly approached garbage can man, honestly hoping he wouldn't attack me when I woke him up.

"Hey, hey buddy." I said, nudging him gently.

His eyes slowly opened, he stared at me with a scared look on his face, he looked lost, lost and confused.

"Hey, you have to leave." I delicately stated, him just staring at me blankly as a reply.

"please?" I asked, really hoping he would just leave.

He stared at me for a long time, he opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to have a lot of trouble pushing the words out of his mouth.

His face twisted, almost looking like he was in pain, 

"Ok-kay..." He grumbled as he pulled himself out of the garbage.

He stumbled away, shoving his hands in his pocket at he left.

'Man, people are weird.' I thought as I unlocked the doors, I didn't think of the incident until the next day.

Sunday: 8:00 am.

AGAIN.

YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

HE'S IN MY TRASH CAN AGAIN.

I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE.

I approached garbage can man, very slightly more annoyed than I was yesterday.

I shook him awake, him groaning and trying to turn away from me.

If the bin wasn't chained to the sidewalk, he would have tipped it over.

I honestly wished it wasn't chained to the sidewalk, that would have been funny.

"Dude, you have to leave." I said to him, god fucking damn it..

He did leave, thankfully.

This continued for another month.

A whole god damn month.

I heard stories about garbage can man on my days off, actually.

My co-worker Kellin tried to get him to leave, but instead of leaving garbage can man just started crying.

It seemed I was the only person garbage can man was actually cooperative with, which I am flattered about but GOD DAMN IT CAN HE STOP SLEEPING IN OUR GARBAGE CAN.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a month since we started finding garbage can man outside our store every morning.

An entire month.

Finally I had had enough.

"Hey, gabage can man." I nudged the guy awake, as usual.

"Seriously, you have to stop sleeping here."

Garbage can man gave me a blank stare back, I groaned and grabbed his hand, I hoisted him out of the trash and to his feet.

But he didn't walk away.

"Are you homeless?" I asked him, placing my hand on his shoulder.

He paused, looking upwards for a moment before sighing and mumbling out a 'yes'.

"Really? I can call a shelter if you w-"

"No!"

He interrupted, then looked down at his feet.

I sighed, rubbing my temples while he wrapped his arms around himself.

"Okay, fine. I get off work at four, If you meet me out here I will buy you coffee. But you have to stop Sleeping in our garbage can." I said, he nodded enthusiastically, and next thing I know I'm being pulled into a tight hug.

He smelled like he hadn't showered in four months, which come to think of it he probably hadn't, but I came to find that I really didn't mind. 

I wrapped my arms around him and smiled, he seemed a lot less threatening than how my co-workers made him out to be.

The day dragged on, nothing very eventful happened, even though I work at walmart.

I walked out of the store at 4:06 and was greeted by garbage can man sitting on the bench next to the garbage can, looking up at the sky.

"Hey!" I greeted with a smile, he jumped a bit, but then looked at me and very faintly smiled.

"H-hey..." He said quietly, now looking down at the ground.

"Have you been here all day?" I questioned, taking a seat beside him.

He nodded, I saw underneath his mop of overgrown hair that his cheeks were tinted a shade of pink, obviously slightly embarassed.

"Alright, so, shall we go?" I said, trying to see his eyes behind his hair.

He nodded once again, and stood up.

Once he was looking forward his hair fell out of his face, so of course I observed he had blue eyes.

Very beautiful blue eyes.

As we walked to my car I could tell he was nervous, he was fidgeting with his jacket sleeves and biting his lip while looking around uneasily.

"Hey, it's alright." I said, turning to look at him.

"I don't have people lined up to jump you or anything like that."

"You d-don't?" 

He looked at me hesitantly, he reminded me of Garth from Wayne's World.

Man, that guy had all kinds of issues.

Let's just hope this guy didn't have as many.

What I didn't know at the time, was garbage can man didn't have as many issues as Garth, he had more.

He stared at the passenger side door with a confused look in his eyes, I raised my eyebrow and opened the door for him, seeming as he has troubles doing so.

"Thank's..." He said quietly after a pause.

He got into my car and stared out the window as we drove to a nearby starbucks.

"Hey, I'm Awsten by the way." I said, glancing at him as we drove.

"Awsten..." He repeated, looking down as he did so.

He repeated my name a few more times, before he finally told me his.

"I'm..." He paused, painfully squeezing his eyes shut as he struggled to remember his own name.

"Geoff," He took a quick breath, "My name is Geoff." 

I smiled, "That's a cool name."

"Yeah.." He mumbled, and was silent until we got to the starbucks.

We arrived at the starbucks, and as soon as we got there I noticed Geoff was having trouble undoing his seatbelt, I reached over and undid it for him, thinking nothing of it until Geoff looked at me with a confused look on his face.

I gave him a dumb smile, and got out of the car.

Surprisingly, he managed to get out of the car without any help. 

As we walked into the starbucks Geoff payed more attention to his feet than what was in front of him, and ended up walking into a person.

The person glared at him, Geoff was just staring at them with a terrified look in his eyes.

Fuck, I hope the person is at least kind of nice.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" The person said as they looked at the coffee that was spilled all over themselves and Geoff.

Shit.

Geoff opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't seem to find the words.

He just backed up, and thankfully only into me.

I  put one of my arms around him, almost protectively.

I kinda pulled him away from the person and to the line, and linked my arm with his.

"S-Sorry..." Geoff grumbled while looking down.

"No, no. It's fine." I said, giving him a soft smile.  We got to the counter and Geoff stared at me with an anxious look on his face,

"Tell the barista what you want..." I reminded him, he just stared at me blankly until I ordered two large coffees.

We made our way to a table and sat down, he seemed to be rather nervous, but I'm not sure why.

"Are you alright?" I questioned, he took a sip of his coffee and squeezed his eyes shut, something I've noticed he does a lot.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." He mumbled, looking at either my hands or his hands, I couldn't tell.

I furrowed my eyebrows together, looking at him skeptically.

"Tell me about yourself."

His eyes widened like he had never been asked that before, he tilted his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows together.

"Well..." He paused, shutting his eyes for a moment before opening them again.

"What... What do you want to know?" Geoff replied, looking up at me.

It was weird, considering he was taller than me, but he was slouched quite a lot.

"Anything, just tell me about yourself." I said, softly smiling at him.

"Do you have any.." He paused, once again trying to find the right word.

"...Paper?"

I nodded and reached into my back pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of blank paper and a small sparkly gel pen.

I handed it to him and he uncrumpled the paper, and began writing.

'So, my name is Geoff, I'm 28 years old, and there really isn't much to say about me. As a kid my parent's didn't exactly treat me amazingly, so as a result I started living with my aunt when I was 13. Things didn't get better after that, In about ninth grade I was rolling down a hill for some dumb reason, and I hit my head on a rock apparently rather hard. I got a pretty bad concussion, I got some pretty bad brain damage, I can think just fine, for the most part. I have some trouble talking, and trouble with remembering things. Im also very bad at social activity.  I've been homeless since I was sixteen, and I find trash cans very comfortable. I don't really have many likes or dislikes, I like cobra starship, and linkin park.'

Geoff handed me the note and I read it carefully, I noticed he had very feminine handwriting, and that I felt bad about him having a bad childhood.

"Cobra starship, eh?" I said with a smile,  He nodded lightly, smiling at his hands.

"Yeah..."

I was surprised that Geoff had told me his entire life story, he had just met me- did he tell anybody who asked? Did he just trust me a lot? I had a lot of questions, but I didn't plan on bugging Geoff about them.

"Hey, do you have anybody you could stay with?"   
I find myself asking, against my better judgement.

"...No.."   
I smiled slightly,  
"I have an extra room in my apartment, if you wanted to live with me."   
What the fuck are you doing, Awsten. This is not a good idea. What if He's a serial killer? What the fuck dude.

Geoff paused, giving me a confused look.  
"I mean..."   
He softly said, fidgeting with his fingers.  
"...Sure.."

Great job, Awsten. Garbage can man lives with you now. What's Kellin going to think? He's gonna kill you, he wanted to call the police on Geoff and NOW YOU LIVE WITH HIM. Stupid ass. What the hell.

I smiled at Geoff lightly,   
"Then it's settled. You live with me now."


	2. Chapter 2

I lead Geoff up the stairs to my apartment, we would have taken the elevator, but it was broken, leaving us having to walk up three flights of stairs just to get to my apartment.

Once we were finally there I struggled with the lock, but I eventually managed to open the door.

"Welcome to mi casa!"   
I announced as we entered the living room.

My apartment wasn't huge, the living room was probably a 15x15 foot space with the kitchen connected to it, the kitchen was probably an 8x5 foot space, so it was pretty damn small, but I got a good deal on this place because somebody died here.

Geoff looked around the place in amazement, you'd think he hadn't seen an indoor place in twenty years.

He seemed quite interested in the painting I had of a guitar hanging on my wall.

"I used to have one of those..."  
I smiled as I lead him to the couch.  
"Really? What happened to it?"

"It uh..."   
He focused on the floor,  
"Broke, I guess."

I frowned,   
"Aw, that sucks."   
I gestured for him to sit on the couch, and at first he stared at me like I was speaking German, but then he sat down.

"Wait here, I'll be right back." 

I rushed to my bedroom and grabbed one of my guitars, I had a lot, and the particular one I grabbed was purple and sparkly.

I ran back into the living room, and I handed him the guitar.

"Can you play anything?"   
I asked as I took a seat beside him.

"Uh... Maybe..." 

His fingers trailed along the strings for a few minutes, before he lifted his head and looked at me.

"Do... Do you have a..." he paused, his face twisting painfully, before he started his sentence again.  
"Do you have a pick?" 

"Yeah! Just a sec,"   
I got up again and walked back to my bedroom, I rumadged through a few drawers before I found what I was looking for.

"Got you, motherfucker."   
I whispered to the pick and went back to Geoff, and handed it to him.

His fingers found a chord after around thirty seconds of looking, and he began the intro to a song I recognised, but couldn't quite place.

He was playing it rather slowly, which is understandable for a person who hasn't touched a guitar for however long.

He played the same few chords a few times, and I eventually recognized it to be the intro to 'Sweet Child O Mine'.

I was actually kind of surprised, I didn't think a Guns N Roses song would be his go to, but it was a pleasant surprise, at least.

He played through around half the song, he messed up a few times and missed some chords, and he played pretty slowly, but that's pretty good for somebody who hasn't played in a long time.

"That's all... That's all I can remember..."  
He said, looking slightly embarrassed.

"That's really good!!" I said, smiling widely.  
He seemed to return my grin with one that wasn't a big, but at least it was there.

"Where did you learn That?"   
I asked, he took a while to respond, so long that I thought he hadn't heard me.

"...Probably.. Probably my friend."   
He shrugged, seeming unsure of where he exactly learned it.

"Hey,"   
I started, standing up.  
"Want me to show you your room?"  
I asked, he nodded and quickly stood up, setting my guitar carefully on the couch.

He followed me down a short hallway and to a room I previously hadn't been using, there wasn't much in it other than a desk, a dresser, and a pull out couch. But it would have to work until we got him a bed, if he stayed long enough for me to need to get him one.

 

"It doesn't really look like much, but we can add to it soon enough. But it'll work for now, right?"

I looked at him, waiting for his approval.

Geoff nodded enthusiastically, he smiled at me, and I could briefly see his other eye through his hair.

 

"Okay, so- I do have a few rules for living here," 

I started, taking a seat on the couch, and Geoff quickly joined me.

"So, number one; please, Don't sleep in my trash, it's not very sanitary, and also- like, try not to break anything,  don't go in my room without asking, and don't cook anything while I'm gone."

Those were all the rules I had, there weren't a lot of them, so hopefully Geoff could follow them.

"Okay?"

 

Geoff nodded, and started itching at the torn up gloves he was wearing.

 

I recalled that Geoff probably hadn't showered, changed, or brushed his teeth in months, and that should definitely be a first priority.

 

"Okay, first things first- let's get you showered and changed."

I said, standing up from the love seat.

Geoff looked at me like I was insane when I mentioned a shower, but if he protests I will power hose him because holy shit does he smell bad.

 

I offered him my hand, and he quickly stood up.

I took his hand and led him to the bath room, and started to take off his gloves. 

He looked kind of uncomfortable as I removed his jacket and set it on the bathroom counter,

"You can handle the rest?"

I questioned, he rolled his eyes and nodded.

"Of course I can."

 

Damn, trash can guy is sassy.

"Okay... Just, put your clothes in that hamper so I can wash them while you're in the shower."

 

I exited the bathroom with his coat and gloves, and set them in the laundry room which was basically just a closet with a washer and dryer in it.

 

I went into my own room and pulled out a pair of pyjama pants that my Grandma got me that were a bit too big, because my Grandma didn't realize that as a twenty-four year old, I wasn't going to 'grow into them'.

 

I grabbed a pair of boxers and a green day shirt, and quietly snuck into the bathroom and set them on the counter with a towel, and took the hamper out.

 

I headed to the laundry closet, and started Geoff's clothes as their own load, I didn't want any of that touching my clothes, they probably had all kinds of gross shit on them.

 

As Geoff showered, I sat in my living room and watched some family guy.  He was taking quite a while, but it was understandable, considering his situation.

After another ten minutes or so, I heard the shower finally stop.

 

A while later, Geoff emerged into the living room in the clothing I gave to him.

With his hair wet and pushed back a bit, I could actually see his face.

He was cute, but he looked like a puppy who had been kicked a few too many times.

 

"Hey!"

I greeted enthusiastically, he smiled at me, and sat down beside me.

"How was your shower?"

I asked, he shrugged.

"..I guess.. How a shower, is supposed to feel?"

He shifted in his seat, getting comfortable with his surroundings again.

 

"Want to watch a movie?" 

I asked as he stared at the paused screen with family guy on it.

"Uh, yeah sure-" 

He said, crossing his legs and hugging one of my pillows.


	3. Chapter 3

Awsten's p.o.v

 

We watched about two or three movies, and ate two microwave pizza's before I decided we should probably go to sleep.

 

It was around ten o'clock, and Geoff did seem pretty tired by the way his eyes kept slowly shutting, then opening quickly.

"Alright, it's time to go to sleep."

I announced, gettin off the couch.

 

Geoff stared at me awkwardly while I folded the blanket we were using,

"That means you too." 

I told him, placing the blanket over the back of the couch.

"Okay..."

He mumbled, standing up slowly.

 

He watched me while I cleaned up the small mess we had made, I'm not sure if he was waiting or something, but it was a little bit creepy.

After I was finished cleaning up, I started heading towards my room.

"Goodnight!"  I called as I hermitted into my room.

 

"Night..." 

I heard him quietly mumble back, followed by the soft sound of his door closing.

 

the first thing I did was take off my pants, then I got into my bed and started scrolling twitter.

 

I had been scrolling for about an hour, when I actually decided to go to sleep.

I tossed and turned for a while, before I eventually fell asleep.

 

I'm still kinda fuzzy on what happened between the period of when I fell asleep to when Geoff started knocking on my door, but from what Geoff told me, it wasn't too great.

 

"Awsten!" 

I woke up with a jolt, I didn't understand what was going on at first, but I eventually figured out the quiet knocking was Geoff.

I got up and almost tripped on my way to open my door, and when I did open it I kinda wished that I slept through it, but also felt bad about feeling that way.

 

Geoff was crying, that much was apparent, but wasn't apparent was the reason.

He wasn't sobbing or anything, but his eyes were red, and his cheeks had a small amount of wetness on them.

 

"Hey, you alright?"

I asked, reaching up to place my hand on his shoulder.

"No... I mean, yeah- no- I don't know."

I sighed, I had work in the morning and honestly, I feel bad for saying that Geoff is irritating, but it would be great if he wasn't crying.

"What's the matter?"

I ask, dragging my hand down from his shoulder and squeezing his hand.

"I don't... I don't know where I am..."

He mumbled, as he stared at the ground.

 

I tried not to violently sigh and make a passive aggressive comment, and wow that was actually pretty difficult. 

"Here, just- come in here, I'll show you where we are on a map in the morning..."

I grumbled as I grabbed Geoff's hand and pulled him into my room.

I lied down in my bed, and Geoff did the same. 

I swear to god if he asks any dumbass questions I'm setting him and myself on fire.

 

Geoff got under the blanket and turned on his side, and surprisingly didn't ask any stupid questions that would make me have an existential crisis at three am.

 

I fell asleep after a while, and was woken up all too soon.

 

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEE-

 

I hi my alarm clock multiple times, until a hit turned it off.

I tried to get up, but found that an arm was secured tightly around my waist, and a pair of legs were tangled with my own.

"Geeeeooooffffffffffffffffffffff..."  I whined, trying to push him off of myself.

"Meehhhhhhh..."  He grumbled in reply, and rolled over.

I got up quickly and got changed into my uniform, changing in front of Geoff really didn't make me that uncomfortable, in all honesty.  He's about as intimidating as a stuffed puppy.

__________________________________________________________________________________

I was pouring myself a bowl of cheerios, when Geoff emerged from my room.

"Hey,"

I greeted.

"How ya doin'?"

He just awkwardly stared at me, before making his way into the kitchen and raiding my pantry.

Okay, fair enough I guess.

"I have to go to work in about half an hour, you'll be fine here while I'm gone?" 

I asked, Geoff nodded while eating my pretzels, and I'm pretty sure he was just ignoring me and acting like he was listening.

At least he's making progress, I guess.

"I'll be back around four, if you really need something knock on the door next door and ask that guy to call me." 

I said, and noted the slightly panicked look on Geoff's face.

"Its fine, his name is Otto, he's cool." 

I said, then started rumaging around for my keys.

"They're in your room..." 

I heard Geoff quietly mumble, I ran in there and sure enough they were on my desk.

"Thanks," I said, sitting on the couch to finish my cereal.

Geoff started to aimlessly walk around the apartment, no- like, literally, he looked like a sim, he'd open a door, stare into it, mutter something, then head onto the next door.

He circled about three times, before I had to leave for work.

"Alright, I'll see ya later! Don't start a fire!"   
I called, opening the front door.

I heard Geoff's feet hitting the ground, as he ran to the front door.

He stared at me for a second, then pulled me into a tight hug.

"Oh... Okay?"   
I mumbled, and quickly hugged him back.

"Now, I seriously gotta go."   
I said, pulling away.

"TTFN! Ta ta for Now!"   
I called as I headed down the hallway to the stairs, and Geoff closed the door behind me.


	4. Chapter 4

Geoff's p.o.v

I closed the door behind Awsten, and sat down on the couch.

I grabbed the remote and searched for the large red button, I'm pretty sure it's what turns the TV on, at least that's what Awsten pressed last night to get it to turn on.

After I had managed to turn on the TV, I headed over to the red icon Awsten had picked yesterday. It took me a while to find It, but thankfully I managed to open it without issue.

I browsed the options for a while, before watching a movie titled 'Deadpool'.

\---------------------------------------------------------

I have learned a lot of things today, and quite a few of those things were swear words.

After I watched Deadpool, I had watched a few other movies- ones titles 'Paul', 'Bad Santa', and a few Disney movies I remembered from when I was a small kid.

At that point, according to the microwave Awsten should be back in like half an hour.

I started to wander around the apartment, I almost walked into Awstens room, before I remembered his rule about me not being allowed to go in there.

I ended up leaving the apartment, and wandering down the hallway and finding my way out of the building.

There was a guy at a desk before the doors who smiled and waved at me, why the fuck was he waving at me? Why did he smile at me? Does he want to fight me? I'm going to win.

I was too wrapped up in fighting desk guy for me to notice that I had walked into like four people, and was now getting death glares as I walked through the doors.

It was bright as fuck and there were random people everywhere.

I didn't know what direction I was going, but the walls in Awstens apartment were boring. They were beige, for God's sake.

A guy tried to sell me something, I don't know what it was, but he was taller than me and had a beard.  
He looked scary, so I kinda quickened my pace as I walked past him.

______________________________________

Awstens p.o.v

I entered my apartment after a long ass day of work, it was kinda exhausting, but at least I could watch some Netflix and be completely brain dead until tomorrow.

I bought a map today, so I could show Geoff where he was. I also bought a Disney puzzle so he'd at least have something to do while I'm gone.

But the thing was, I didn't see Geoff on the couch.

"Geoff?"   
I called into the apartment.  
"Geoff?"   
I knocked on his door, but didn't get a reply.

I slowly creaked open the door, but Geoff wasn't in there.

Wait, fuck.  
Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.  
SHIT.

I ran around my apartment, looking for Geoff.   
As far as I could tell, he wasn't here.

He wasnt in the living room, the bathroom, the kitchen, or any other room in the apartment.

"Well, fuck."

I ran out of my apartment and started knocking on Otto's door.  
I knocked for like FIVE FUCKING YEARS and Otto eventually opened the door.

"Dude, calm yourself. What do you need?"   
He greeted me SO FUCKING POLITELY while he leaned against his door frame.

"Yeah, hi, I can't find Geoff."   
I said, my voice was kinda panicky but that's the least of my worries right now.

"Wait, who?"   
Otto asked, squinting his eyes.  
"Ugh, I'll explain later, just come on!" 

I grabbed Otto's wrist and drug him out of the building,   
"He's about six feet, brown hair that's really long and kinda flops to one side, he has blue eyes, he's wearing Winnie the Pooh pants and a green day shirt as far as I know, he has blue eyes- just, we have to find him."   
I told to Otto while we rushed around the streets.

"Is that him?"   
Otto pointed as some guy with brown hair.  
"No, Geoff's hair is longer."   
I muttered and started calling out Geoff's name.

Why the hell I was so worried about a person I didn't know the name of until yesterday is beyond me, but I damnwell have to find that asshole before somebody else does.

Around half an hour later, I was ready to give up- Housten is a pretty big place, and somebody like Geoff would probably go and hide somewhere.

Otto accidentally ran into some douchebag who wasn't looking where he was going and was walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk, but it so happens that that douchebag happen to have longish light brown hair and blue eyes. 

He tried to walk away, but I quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

"Geoff! What the hell man!"   
I yelled as he stared at me with a confused look.

"Awsten?"   
"Yeah! I've been looking for you everywhere! Don't do that!"   
I said, slightly raising my voice out of frustration.

I sighed and pulled him into a super tight hug, I swear I'm not going to let go of Geoff until I can handcuff him to something.

Otto stared at us awkwardly, until he tapped my shoulder.

"We should probably leave..."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me way too long to write this, comment what y'all think

I closed the door behind me and Geoff, and let go of his hand.

"Okay, dude. New rule: don't leave the apartment without me or at least Otto.  
Like, seriously. I don't trust people in Texas around you.."  
I mumbled the last part, then got out my phone.  
I quickly opened camera, and took a picture of Geoff so if I lost him again at least I could show people a picture of him and ask if they've seen him.

"Okay."   
He mumbled, staring at the ground.

I'm pretty sure I upset Geoff, considering he looked pretty sad.  
Damn it.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the puzzle with olaf from frozen on it.

"Hey, do you like puzzles?"   
I asked him, taking a seat beside him.

"I uh... haven't done one in a long time.."   
He replied, still not looking at me.  
"Well, I got this at Wal-Mart today."   
I handed him the puzzle, and his eyes lit up with his smile.  
"I was thinking you could do it while I'm at work." 

"Yeah.."   
I smiled, "Oh, I also picked up a map."   
I said, heading into the kitchen to grab the map.  
It was fucking huge, I got one that you could basically walk on to stand in certain places.

I set the map down on the floor and pushed the coffee table to the side.  
"Here, come check this out."   
Geoff came over to me, and I motioned for him to sit beside me on the floor.

I pointed to a certain place in America,  
"That little dot right there that says 'Houston', that's where we are."   
I smiled at Geoff, then got up and got a sharpie.

I circled the dot in pink and wrote 'WHERE GEOFF LIVES' next to it.  
"Wanna go hang this on your wall so you won't forget where you are again?"

Geoff nodded, and we both stood up.

I offered a few different spots to hang the map, before Geoff agreed to have it over his bed.

"Perfect..."   
I mumbled as we exited the room.

Once we were back in the living room I opened Netflix, and noticed the movies Geoff had watched.  
"Deadpool, Paul, and Bad Santa?"   
I questioned, my eyebrow raised.

Geoff shrugged.  
"They... Were interesting, I guess."   
I laughed, of all the movies for Geoff to watch and he chooses those.  
Whatever, he's a grown man so he can honestly do whatever he wants.

"There was weird stuff, like- stuff I see in alleyways in some of them."   
I was surprised that Geoff had said that much, normally his sentences are limited to like five words.

"Really? What kind of stuff?"   
I teased, and his face turned kinda red.

"Like... Weird stuff." 

"Any details you want to share about that weird stuff?"   
I asked, earning Geoff rolling his eyes at me.  
"I don't know, you're not really.. you're not really my type."   
He said and laughed,   
Its okay, that only hurt a little.

_______________________________________  
We're gonna do a time skip to a few weeks later because I'm a fucking asshole  
_______________________________________

I was getting ready for work while Geoff was sitting on the ground doing that puzzle that I got him, he was probably done about three quarters of it, and it was a pretty big puzzle so that was impressive.

My doorbell rang, and I recalled that Kellin was giving me a ride to work today.

Well, shit.

I opened the door, trying to block Kellin's view of my apartment as best as I could, or more specifically, his view of Geoff.

"Hey! You ready?"   
He greeted.  
In all honesty I wasn't, but I wasn't sure how I would go in and out of my apartment without Kellin seeing the inside, considering he's the type of dude who would just walk in and chill out.

"Nah, uh- just a sec."  
I said, and closed the door.

"Hey, Geoff- let's play a game!"   
I said, he gave me a weird look before muttering,  
"I'm not five." 

"You're doing an olaf puzzle while eating cheeri- never mind that, I'm gonna put a blanket over your head until I leave, then I'm gonna send Otto over here to chill with you. Because if my ride sees you he'll flip shit."   
Geoff sighed, but thankfully agreed.

Why I didn't ask him to just chill in his room I don't know, but I was in a hurry and wasn't really thinking.

I took a Dr. Suess blanket and laid it over Geoff's head, before going and opening the door again.

"Alright, let's go!"   
I said, but Kellin stopped me.

"Is there a person under a blanket in your living room?"   
"I don't know what you're talking about."   
"Hi."  
Damn it Geoff.

"There's obviously somebody there, they just said hi."   
"No, I have no idea what you're talking about. Let's go-" 

"Dude why do you have a dude under a blanket in your living room?"   
"He said you'd.. flip shit, if you saw me."  
DAMN IT GEOFF.

Kellin pushed past me and walked over to Geoff.  
Fuck shit no no no don't do that.  
"Kellin-"   
Kellin lifted the blanket off of Geoff's head, and there was his innocent face staring back at him.  
"Hi."   
"Awsten what the fuck."  
"Can we talk later?"   
"why do you have trash can guy on your living room floor?" 

I sighed, Kellin didn't really argue with me much, but when he did it was always for insanely stupid reasons.

I sighed and grabbed Geoff's hand,  
"Come on, Kellin's about to bitch me out so you should probably go to Otto's."

I lead Geoff out of the apartment and into Otto's rather quickly, Otto normally kept his door unlocked because he's weird, so it wasn't that hard.

"Okay, do your worst."  
I said as me and Kellin were back in my apartment.

"Dude, why?"  
Why?

That's such a hard question, I don't know Why!   
"It's because I fell in love with a dude in a trash the moment I saw him and needed to move him into my house immediately."  
I said sarcastically.

That obviously wasn't the answer Kellin wanted, and he looked pretty pissed.

"Dude, he needed a place to stay- he's harmless. It's not like it's dangerous to have him here."   
Kellin rolled his eyes,  
"Dude, you found him in a trash can and knew nothing about him, he could have been a serial killer or some shit!"   
I groaned in a rather exaggerated fashion,   
"He's had to sleep in my room at least four times because he saw a fucking spider. He's seriously harmless." 

I honestly don't know what Kellin's problem was, oh yeah I did something completely safe with my own life and I deserve to be punished for it.  
The fuck, Kellin.

Me and Kellin bitched at each other for a while, until he left and I called in sick to work, because fuck it, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye than deal with walmart today.

I walked over to Otto's and entered into the scene of Geoff sitting in a corner eating Otto's cereal while Otto was duct taped to the wall.

"Okay, I was gone like half an hour. What the fuck happened?"   
I asked, as Otto struggled with his duct tape prison.

"He said I couldn't eat his cereal. I disagreed."   
Geoff said, shoving another handful of cinnamon toast crunch in his mouth.

"Your boyfriend is E V I L!!!!"   
Otto yelled at me, getting on hand free from the tape.

"Otto shut up, he's not my boyfriend."   
I grumbled as I helped him out of the duct tape.

"Oh, and Ciara's been calling you. After like five times she texted me."   
Otto said as he dropped down from the wall.

"Dude, why didn't you tell me sooner?"   
I asked as I took my phone out of my back pocket.  
"I am not ever getting between you and Kellin. Y'all are weird." 

I dialed back Ciara's call, and she picked up in two rings.

"Hey, sorry I didn't pick up- me and Kellin were talking."   
I said into the phone, but was still able to hear Geoff whisper 'who's ciara?' To Otto.

"Awsten's girlfriend."   
Otto said back with a distasteful tone.

Okay, I get that he doesn't like Ciara, but he doesn't have to be a dick.

As I spoke with Ciara about something I wasn't really paying attention to, I made eye contact with Geoff.

It wasn't a new occurrence, but for some reason it felt different.

Like, his eyes were punching me.

My chest did twisty shit and I don't know what's going on, but I know Geoff is fucking with me or some shit.  
What, is he a wizard?

I could feel this discomfort all over my body, like I was embarrassed, but different, I guess.

I recognised this feeling, I felt it around Ciara when I first met her. I don't really feel it anymore, Ciara is more of a chore than a girlfriend at this point. But whatever.

But why the fuck do I feel this when I look at Geoff? I've lived with him for almost a month, why now?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy hollidays everybody! Sorry it took me so long to update, I was having some writers block.

A week.

I've waited an entire week.

But every time I look at Geoff, I feel the same thing.

Ciara was literally visiting me today and she didn't even know Geoff existed, let alone that I had developed a crush on the guy.

Well, not a crush-  
No, probably just some sort of weird feeling of security, as he had killed a large spider for me a few times.

 

I could ask Geoff to stay at Otto's, or even Jawn's. But that just seems unfair to him.

Ciara would be here in about an hour, and I had a fuckton of explaining to do.

I looked at Geoff, who was sitting beside Me, he was still working on that puzzle. But he was almost done.

"Hey, Geoff?"  
I said, gaining his attention as he raised his head to look at me.

"So.. uh- my girlfriend is visiting me today."  
I said, his eyes bore a damn hole into my chest, he had a habit of doing that.

"Oh, Okay."  
He went back to doing his puzzle.

Okay? That's all I get? Wow, rude. 

My thoughts would have went on if I didn't remind myself getting a response in general was progress for Geoff.

Since he had been living with me, I noticed he's gotten a bit better at social activity.  
Not a lot, but at least now he could kinda talk with Otto, and he didn't cry when confronted by new people.

Ciara would be here in exactly fourty seven minutes, and my god that's a lot of time for me to think of what could go wrong.

I guess I should distract myself with something, but with what?

I noticed Geoff was staring at his puzzle with a frustrated look.  
Ah! That's an idea! I could help Geoff with his puzzle!

I sat down beside Geoff on the floor,  
"Need help?" 

He paused for a second, then nodded.  
He pointed at a certain part of the puzzle,  
"That... That's being a bitch." 

Wow, strong language for Geoff.

"Maybe this piece would fit?"  
I suggested as I handed him a piece that look like it could work.

He shook his head after looking at It,  
"Already tried it." 

This damn puzzle went on for at least another fourty minutes, then I heard a knock on the door.

Ah, fuck.

I got up and opened the door, I greeted Ciara with a kiss and a hug, even though I didn't really want to.

"Hey!"  
She said enthusiastically.  
Her voice immediately cheered me up, but I probably wouldn't be as happy as I was if I had known she was fucking another guy.

She looked past me and made brief eye contact with Geoff.

"Who's that?"  
She asked, staring at me with a confused look.

"Oh- uh, that's Geoff..."  
He waved at her awkwardly, then stared at me with a blank expression.

I'm not sure how, but Geoff's stare made my skin crawl, that had never happened before- but he just creeped me the fuck out today.

"What's he doing here?"  
She said in a hushed tone, so Geoff didn't hear her.

"Uh.. let's talk in my room-"

I grabbed her hand, and we walked into my room.

"Ill be back in a minute, Geoff!"  
I said as I closed the door.

"Geoff, uh- lives here..."

Ciara stared at me, it wasn't a stare like Geoff's though; nobody could have a stare like that, here's was more frustration and confusion, but Geoff's? Fuck if I know. He'll look at me like I killed his cat if I say we don't have pizza rolls.

"What?"  
She finally said, at least she was talking to me.

"Well, uh- I found him in my garbage one day-" I explained everything that had happened that led up to Geoff living with me, and Ciara was less than impressed.

"So, let me get this straight: you found a guy in the Wal-Mart trashcan, who was clearly unstable, and let him live with You?"

I nodded,  
"That would be correct."  
"Dude."  
She grumbled, obviously quite angry.

"Where's he going to go if we ever move in together?"  
"Can't he come with us?"

Oh boy, was that ever the wrong thing to say.

"No, you fucktard!"  
She yelled at me, I wanted to shush her so Geoff wouldn't hear us arguing, but if I did that there's no doubt I would be slapped.

I would argue back, but honestly I didn't even have the energy.

"Can we just drop it and leave it as a problem for another day?"  
Ciara sighed, but reluctantly agreed.

We went back into the living room, where Geoff was just finishing his puzzle.

"A grown ass man doing a frozen puzzle, not weird at all..."  
Ciara mumbled, and I was quick to clap back.  
"I'm the one who bought it for him."

She shut up after that, thankfully.

Eventually we started watching a movie; we watched 'The Neverending story', and Geoff had to sit on the floor because I'm pretty sure Ciara took up as much room on the couch as possible on purpose.

Geoff looked like he was going to cry when Atreyu's horse was sinking in the quick sand, but if I went to hug him Ciara would be pissed.

So, my choices were; let Geoff be sad or piss Ciara off.  
This is ridiculous.

I chose to not piss Ciara off, even though that wasn't the option I wanted to pick.

Eventually it was around dinner time, and we decided to order pizza.

Not much other eventful things happened, until later that night.

_______________________________________

"Ciara, come on, seriously?"  
I said in disbelief, she was seriously kicking me out of my own room.  
Dickhead.

"If you like Geoff so much, why don't you go sleep in his bed with him?"

She said, I don't understand why she was so pissed.

We were about to go to sleep, and I said I should check on Geoff.

And now she's throwing shit at the fan.

"I don't understand why you're so angry! I'm worried about him, for valid reasons!"  
"Whatever, Awsten."

She grumbled, and rolled over onto her side so she was facing away from me.

Fucking rude.

I muttered a few things under my breath that weren't very significant and traveled from my room to Geoff's.

I softly knocked on the door, and Geoff opened it a few seconds later.

"Hey..."  
I said awkwardly, looking up at him.  
"Do you mind if I sleep in here tonight?"  
His face changed from a blank expression to a look of concern; I had never seen him do that before, that's fucking weird.

Geoff moved to let me in, and nodded.  
"Yeah, of course."  
"Thanks..."

I laid on his floor, and I could feel him staring at me again.

"You don't... You don't have to sleep on the floor..."

I looked up at him sitting on his bed for a second, then realized what he meant.

"You sure?"  
He nodded, and I got up and got into his bed.

We didn't talk a lot; Geoff doesn't talk alot anyways, he's good a listening.

We fell asleep after a while, or at least I did- not sure about Geoff though, honestly he was probably playing video games on my DS or something.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is up my dudes sorry this took so long

When I woke up, I didn't understand why I was in Geoff's bed.

We hadn't slept together, or done anything like that- so what was I doing here?

Right, Ciara.

I pushed the blankets that were strangling me away, and noticed Geoff look up from my DS with a 'whatcha doing?' Kinda look.

"Uh, I'm gonna go shower-"

I got out of the room as quickly as I could, I don't know why, but something about being that close to Geoff made me uncomfortable on whole new levels.

I went into the bathroom, and stupidly didn't grab a towel or anything, before getting in the shower.

_______________________________________

Geoff's P.O.V

He was singing.

Awsten, after he left my room- I could here him singing in the shower.

"And the sign says, 'long haired freaky people need not apply'."

I recognized that line- it was the first line I heard him sing, and I knew the line.

But I don't know where from.  
Damn it.

"So I tucked my hair up under my hat, and went in to ask him 'why'?"

I recognized the song Awsten was singing, I really did, I just didn't know fuck all about what song it was.

"He said 'you look like a fine outstanding young man, I think you'll do', so I took of my hat, I said 'imagine that, me, working for You?' "

What the fuck was Awsten singing?

"Signs, signs- everywhere there's Signs, fucking up the scenery, breaking my mind. do this- don't do that! Can't you read the sign?"

It was starting to bother Me, honestly- what song was he singing?

"And the sign says 'anybody who is caught trespassing, will be shot on sight, so I jumped the fence and I yelled to the house - 'Hey! What gives you the right to put up a fence and keep me out, or to keep Mother Nature in. If God was here, he'd tell it to your face, man, you're some kind of sinner' "

This was bothering me now.  
I know that song isn't popular- where did Awsten hear it?

"Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs  
Fuckin' up the scenery, breakin' my mind. Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?"

I mouthed along quietly to the chorus, that's the part I remember the most.

"Oh, say now mister, can't you read?  
You got to have a shirt and tie to get a seat. You can't watch, no you can't eat, you ain't supposed to be here.  
And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside." "

Memories started trying to make their way into my head.

I didn't want them there.

"And the sign says "Everybody welcome, come in, kneel down and pray"  
But then they passed around a plate at the end of it all, And I didn't have a penny to pay. So I got me a pen and a paper and I made up my own fuckin' sign. I said, "Thank you Lord for thinking 'bout me, I'm alive and doing fine."

It was like a door opened in my head at that part, I was eight years old again-

We were in the car headed to church on a Sunday, this song was playing- I knew that song, I loved that song.

My parents were fighting, I don't know what it was about- but it was probably something to do with money, or something like that.

My dad wasn't focusing on the road as we drove, we could have crashed- we didn't.

Or we did.

I don't know, the memory I was in started glitching.

I wasn't in the car anymore, I was walking down the side walk without my parents.

Where were they?

I was humming that song.

My memory jumped again.

I was in another person's car, I recognized the person- I couldn't say anything, it was like watching a film.  
You can't do anything.

"What were you doing all by yourself at this hour?"

The person driving asked me, I looked out the car window- it was night.

Why was it night?

I listened to my answer, or- small Geoff's answer.

"My dad told me that we were going to play hide and seek, and I could go anywhere in the town."

Hearing that, it occurred to me that that was a fucked up way to abandon a child.

In a flash, the memory was over, I was twenty eight again- am I twenty eight? I think I'm twenty eight.  
Anyways, Awsten was standing in front of me, he wasn't wearing a shirt, and for some reason that made me uncomfortable.

"Geoff, Geoff! Dude, Geoff, are you okay?"  
I could hear him saying to me.

I made eye contact with him, and tilted my head to the side.  
"Of course."

He looked uncomfortable, I couldn't imagine why.  
He was the one that wasn't wearing a shirt.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, the song title came to mind.

"SIGNS!" 

Awsten raised his eyebrow at me, maybe I confused him, or maybe he didn't know the song he was singing either, or maybe he wasn't singing and that was all some kind of fucked up dream.

I stared at him, he looked more uncomfortable now- do I make Awsten uncomfortable? That could be possible, I guess I am kinda creepy.

"Hi."  
I mumbled quietly, and Awsten backed up a bit.

"I'm uh, I'm gonna go get dressed now-"   
He was rushing his sentence, like he was in such a hurry to put on a fucking shirt. Whatever, that's not really a huge deal.

Awsten bolted out of the room, and I swear I heard him fall- or something around the same size as him fell, but either way it sounded painful.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENTERTAINMENT IS SO GOOD IM GONNA FUCKING ENHALE IT THROUGH MY ASS. Also I hope you enjoy this chapter

Shocking! It's in Awsten pov!

Fuck if I know why I ran out of Geoffs room like that, but I tripped on a towel or some shit, and went crashing down onto my floor.

Both Ciara and Geoff came to see what the hell the loud ass noise was, and I think Ciara staring at me with an unamused look while Geoff grabbed under my arms and lifted me up was the most I've ever encountered without an awkward tension between them.

"Awsten, are you okay!?" Ciara grabbed me and pulled me into a hug, I was pulled away from Geoff, which I wasn't too pleased about, but it's nice to have Ciara do something other than be a bitch to me.

Geoff leaned against the wall and watched me and her, he didn't say anything, unsurprisingly.

"What did you even trip on?"  
Ciara asked me, looking around the floor until she small a hand towel.

"How did that get there?"  
She mumbled and leaned down to pick it up, I sighed and made brief eye contact with Geoff.

Geoff gave me a smile, which was a bit rare, but my god he had an amazing smile.  
Well, he had an amazing everything- everything about him was amazing.

While Ciara was grabbing the towel, Geoff grabbed one of my belt loops and pulled me toward him.

I didn't know what he was doing, but at this point I was leaning on his chest with his arm around my waist.

Of course what I was too blind to realize at this point was that Geoff was trying to start a war with Ciara, and the prize to winning that war was me.

I'm not sure what he expected to gain from that; or if he even understood what he himself was doing, but regardless Ciara wasn't going to go down without a fight.

Geoff had a pretty tight grip on me, actually. Like, it wasn't enough to really hurt me, but his finger tips were digging into my hip quite uncomfortably.

At this point Ciara had grabbed the towel and stood up, and was glaring at me and Geoff.

Ciara was here for another week or some shit, and Geoff had just made the first move to fucking world war three.

"I'm uh.. I'm gonna go put on a shirt..."   
I awkwardly stated, and pulled myself out of Geoffs grip and made my way to my room.

I threw on a Green Day shirt, because I owned about four hundred of them, and I don't know what happened between Geoff and Ciara when I was gone- but according to Geoff, it went a little something like this.

Ciara watched me slink off to my room, and then turned her head back to Geoff.

Geoff was relatively intimidated by her, mostly because if anybody could get him kicked out of my apartment it was her, and she looked pretty fucking pissed in that moment.

"Okay, I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing with Awsten, but it needs to stop. He's straight, and even if he wasn't he has a girlfriend."  
Ciara said to him, Geoff didn't understand what she meant until a little bit later, he just knew that she was pissed off at him.

"Okay, whatever."  
Geoff muttered and went back to his room.

From what Ciara told me of that he called her a bitch while he was walking away, and I didn't doubt her in that; but I don't know, she could have been lying.

I came out of my room, and Ciara was standing in the hallway without Geoff.

"Hey, where'd Geoff go?"  
I asked, leaning against the wall beside her.

"Back to his room."   
Ciara answered bitterly.  
"Did something happen while I was gone?"  
"Yeah, he called me a bitch."  
The second Ciara said that I doubted her, but after a few seconds I remembered that it wasn't too out of character for Geoff, a few times he's gotten a bit angry at me and called me a motherfucker, but it was always passive aggressively- he doesn't say that shit to your face.

"Do you want me to talk to him?"  
I hesitantly asked, I don't think I could ever get Geoff in shit for anything- one look into his eyes and I feel like I'm the one who has to apologize.

"Yeah, whatever."   
Ciara grumbled and stared at the floor.

I grabbed her chin and raised her head to look at Me,  
"Hey, if he's ever doing shit to be mean to you, you can get him in shit. you're my girlfriend, I wouldn't let Otto say shit about you or to you, so why should Geoff be any different?"  
She smiled at me, and I softly kissed her.

I pulled back, and went to go talk to Geoff.

"Hey, dude-"  
I opened his door softly and poked my head in.  
"You alright?"  
I asked as I noticed he was laying face down on the floor.

He groaned in response, and I shut the door behind me.

"Dude, Ciara said you called her a bitch."  
I sat down on the floor beside him.

"She is a bitch."  
Jesus Christ.  
"Okay, but you can't just say shit like that to her face- she has feelings too, you know?"

Geoff rolled over onto his back and looked up at me.

"What did she mean,"   
Geoff paused for a couple of seconds,  
"When she said your were straight?"

Okay, first off that's a lot for Geoff to say in one go, and second off; what the hell does that mean?

"What?"  
I replied, furrowing my eyebrows together in confusion.

"She told me.. to stop doing whatever, with you. Because you're.. straight?"  
Geoff stared up at me, he looked genuinely confused.

"oh, uh-"  
Was Ciara seriously jealous of Geoff?  
And I'm kinda surprised Geoff didn't know what that meant, I mean- I've kinda gathered that his head is kinda fucked, but the way he picks and chooses what he understands and what he doesn't is weird.

Like, he'll know the definition of a stupidly large word like mitochondria or equilibrium, but does he know what a waffle iron is for? Nope.

"Uh- she just means she thinks you're a bit too close to me. That's all."  
I really hope that was all the explanation he needed, I wasn't ready to tell Geoff I wasn't straight before I told Ciara.

Geoff looked really confused, he sat up and sat cross legged across from me, he was so close that our knees were touching.

This wasn't a new thing- sometimes Geoff gets super touchy and I'll need to practically sit on his lap for him to stop whining.

Geoff stared into my eyes, it was weird- he does this all the time, but I guess it was different this time.

"You're not straight."

That statement came out of nowhere, I wasn't even sure if Geoff knew what that meant- but from the way he said it, like he was just realizing something, made me think that he did know what it meant.

I was taken aback, to say the least. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing really came out other than "uh, I- um, well.."

"I'm not either."

That one surprised me even more. I mean, I never really got any vibes off of Geoff that were an indicator to anything, kinda like what you'd get around an aromantic asexual.

Geoff reached toward me, and he ran his fingers through my hair.  
He was smiling at me, it was actually pretty cute.

I realized that I had been in there a while, and should probably get back to Ciara before she thinks I up and ran away with Geoff to Mexico or some shit.

I stood up quickly, while Geoff watched me.

"I, uh- I have to go-"

I went to run out of the room, but Geoff was pretty quick to stand up and grab my hand.

I thought he was just going to be like 'wait you have to buy more pizza rolls' or something, but boy was I surprised when I was sprung back against his chest.

He wasn't that much taller than me, but with him staring at me like he was I felt like a field mouse standing in front of a barn cat.

He put one of his hands on my hip, and the other went from holding my hand to on my neck.

At that point I couldn't really make any assumptions as to what he would do, he could to anything from kill me to kiss me.

I'm quite thankful it was the latter.

I was obviously super shocked, I mean- who wouldn't be?

I didn't want to fuck this up, I wasn't going to shove Geoff away and be disgusted, but I wasn't down to even open my mouth for Geoff right now.

I put my hands momentarily in Geoffs hair and kissed him back, but I pulled away after maybe five seconds.

Me and Geoff stared at each other, he looked equally as confused as I did.  
I slowly backed away from him, and out of his grasp.  
"We, uh- we can finish this later-"   
I said as I fidgeted for the door knob.

I ran out of the room pretty quickly, and was shaking I was so nervous.

And with the look Ciara gave me when I got out of there, she probably thought he had tried to assault me or some shit.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy, there's gonna be some (probably not very good) smut in this chapter, so be prepared lmao

I hadnt talked to Geoff in a few hours, Ciara kept trying to get me to tell her what happened with Geoff, and I just kept telling her I told him not to call her a bitch. I knew she didn't believe me, but really that wasn't my issue at the moment.

I told Geoff we would finish that later, and I don't know what I was thinking when I said that. I would have to go talk to him once Ciara was asleep or something, but as of right now I'm basically fucked.

I have to get my shit together before I do anything with Geoff, like first off: make a mental list of shit I want to do with him, and shit I don't want to do.

Right now, I don't want to sleep with garbage can man until I've been told by a doctor he doesn't have any STDS or something. I also want to know specifically what the fuck is wrong with him, since I know he has brain damage; but there has to be something specific as to what's up with him.

What else? Oh, right. I'm planning on cheating on my girlfriend in a room like ten feet away from where she is.  
What the fuck is wrong with me?

I don't want to think about it at this point.  
I thought Ciara was my four leaf clover; the luckiest thing I could ever have.  
But right now I think Geoff is a five leaf clover.

It's becoming clear that I have to break up with Ciara, but when? How? I'm fucking awful at breakups.

I was sitting on the couch watching some movie with Ciara, and I was still thinking about Geoff.  
All I think about it Geoff.

All I can think to do right now is write a god damn song about Geoff, it's the only thing that'll get all this shit out of my head.  
I doubt I could right now though, I couldn't just excuse myself to the bathroom for three hours.

I don't want to start shit with Ciara right now, she's pissed off enough as it is, I don't know what her problem is, but it's probably something big.

Eventually me and Ciara went off to sleep, and she went to bed without bitching at me, she just went to sleep.

About twenty minutes after that I figured it was safe to go to Geoff's room, I had been thinking a lot about this- but I could hate myself in the morning, right now I just really need this.

I got out of bed as quietly as I could, and made my way to Geoff's room.

I didn't knock, since that would make a lot of noise- I just poked my head in, to see he was playing on my DS like he normally was.

He looked up at me and smiled, I took that as an invitation to come in.

I closed the door behind me,   
And he sat up on the edge of his bed.

"Okay, before we do this-"   
I started, sitting beside him.  
"We have to discuss some stuff."

Geoff nodded, and put his hand on my knee. He could probably tell I was nervous.

"Well- first off, are you a virgin?"  
It seemed kinda stupid to ask a twenty eight year old, but I wanted to know if my concerns for him having an STD were even valid.

Geoff laughed slightly,  
"Of course not."

I was kinda relieved, but also like 'damn it'.

"Alright, so- I kinda want to get you tested for an STD before we do any penetration, is that alright?"

"Yeah, totally."

I'm really glad that Geoff was alright with this, I was kinda nervous he'd get pissed off.

"Alright- well, I guess that's all we need to talk abo-"

Before I was even finished my sentence Geoff had pushed me backward onto the bed, and was on top of me.

Geoff kissed me softly at first; with his hips gently rocking against mine, I hadn't ever gone even this far with a guy- so it was weird going from being the dominant man in a relationship into a whining bottom, but I guess everything has to change eventually.

Geoff softly grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head, and started to kiss my neck.

We hadn't even been doing this for that long and I was already half hard, and from what I could feel on my thigh Geoff was too.

I pressed my hips upward and groaned lightly, I was getting a bit desperate.

Geoff took his hand away from one of my wrists to undo my pants, and push them down as far as he could with one hand.

He started to palm me through my boxers, and I ground back against his hand.

Geoff got off of me momentarily to move us so we were lying in a much better place on the bed, rather than off the side with both our legs hanging off.

He hovered over me, and started taking off his own pants.

I watched him while trying to catch my breath, and he had thrown his pants to the side not before long.

Geoff was wearing my boxers, while I'll admit I thought it was pretty hot, but I had bought him boxers since he moved in, so why was he wearing mine?

Geoff sat next to me, leaning against the headboard, and I was quick to climb into his lap.

We made out like that for a while, him occasionally doing shit to jerk me off, until he pulled away from the kiss.

"Blow me."

I was a bit taken aback, but I wasn't ready to be a pussy yet.

I adjusted myself so I was a bit further away from him, and he pushed my head toward his crotch.

He pulled his boxers down, and I was actually a bit surprised by how big he was.

Geoff was at least two inches bigger than I expected, not that I think about his dick a lot- but holy shit, I don't know how well I could handle that.

Geoff laced his fingers through my hair, and it was just now occurring to me that if I wasn't going to let him fuck me because I was afraid he had an STD why was giving him a blowjob any different?

Fuck it, I can tell you right now he doesn't have aids or hiv so whatever.

I put his head in my mouth and delicately swirled my tongue around it, this was my first time blowing a guy- so really I'm just going off of porn and what girls have done to me.

Geoff moaned and tilted his head back, so I'll take that as a sign that I was doing something right.

Geoff pushed my head down a bit, not enough to make me gag- but if he went any further I definitely would.

I started to bob my head lightly, and after a bit Geoff pushed my head down further.

I gagged a bit, but I would be fine.

I hollowed out my cheeks and bobbed my head a bit faster, while Geoff played with my hair.

A bit unexpectedly, Geoff shoved my head down as far as I could physically go, and he held my head there while he started to fuck my mouth.

I swear to god, I probably would have puked if I even had the time to between when Geoff was shoving his dick back down my throat, and when he was pulling my head back.

Geoff was pretty quiet during this- but he moaned as he shoved my head down forcefully one last time, and came down my throat.

He let go of my hair, and I took the chance to pop my head up quickly and finally breathe properly.

Before I could breathe, though, I had to swallow what was currently sitting in my throat.

It was fucking gross, not because it was cum, but it tasted like salty chlorine, which isn't something you'd ever want to have in your mouth.

I managed to swallow, and started to breathe after that.

Geoff waited for me to take a few breathes, before he started to jerk me off.

I was sitting between his legs, and he pulled me closer to him while his other hand pulled at my dick.

"oh fuck,"  
I muttered as I leaned into his shoulder.

I came a bit quickly, but I was fucking exhausted.

Once my cum was covering Geoffs hand, my knees stopped trying to keep me at least in a kneeling position.

Geoff had to grab me with both hands, just so I wouldn't topple off his bed.

I knew I had to take a shower after this- I couldn't just go back to sleep with ciara covered in my own jizz, because I know she's ask questions, and I wasn't going to tell her Geoff jerked me off, or that I had a wet dream or some shit.

"I have to shower..."  
I whined into Geoff's shoulder.  
"it's not like I can shower for you."  
Man, of course Geoff had to say something sassy right now. 

"Yeah, but you could help."  
I muttered.  
Did I seriously just offer to let Geoff shower with me?

Geoff looked a bit surprised himself.

\--------------------------------------------------------

While we were in the shower, Geoff spent the most time standing behind me with his arms around my waist, and sometimes he would kiss my neck.

We couldn't talk much, ciara might hear us- and boy would why I'm showering with Geoff be shitty to explain.

I had work tomorrow, so I had to leave Geoff, who's the most honest motherfucker in the world, alone with ciara for like, eight hours.

I already knew this wasn't going to end well.

I left the shower a bit cleaner, and with a god damn hickey on my shoulder.

After the shower, I went back to my room and Geoff went back to his.

The hickey would be easy to hide from ciara, but the insufferable guilt?  
Maybe not.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning was as uneventful as you'd imagine; I didn't stick around for long enough to blurt something out to ciara that id regret, and even if I'm avoiding her now, the truth was going to come out eventually.

\---------------------------------------------------------  
Geoff's p.o.v

I tried to stay in my room most of the day- Awsten was at work, and that meant that I was alone with Ciara for the better part of like, nine hours.

When I first heard Otto talk about Ciara I didn't understand why he hated her, she seemed like a normal person- but now, if I could I would push ciara into a well.

There was a knock on my door, and surprisingly ciara poked her head into my room.

"Uh- hey?"  
I was pretty damn confused, did she want to crucify me or some shit?

"Hey, can you help me with something?"

I would have said 'No screw you' but that's not very nice, so I nodded reluctantly and followed her into the kitchen.

She pointed at a pot that Awsten kept on a really high shelf,  
"Can you reach that?"  
"Yeah, sure."

I had no problem reaching it, but I guess I was pretty tall- even Awsten would probably have trouble reaching it, so why did he even keep it that high in the first place?

Fuckin weird.

I handed Ciara the pot, and she thanked me.

That was supposedly the end of that encounter, i was going to go back to my room to go play Mario on Awsten's DS or something, but she stopped me.

"Hey, uh- want to watch a movie or something?"  
Why was she being so nice to me?  
Maybe she's plotting my death and this is part of it.

"..Yeah, sure."  
I mumbled.

If we were going to watch a movie I don't know what she needed that damn pot for, but I guess she must have been boiling water while we were watching the movie or something.

I can't exactly recall what we watched- but I know I glanced over at ciara's phone, since she was texting and apparently I have no concept for other people's privacy, and she was sending some pretty interesting texts to somebody I was pretty damn sure wasn't Awsten.

"He's cheating on you too, you know."  
Ciara looked up from her phone.  
"What?"  
"Awsten, he's.."  
I paused for a second, shutting my eyes and concentrating before finishing my sentence.  
"-cheating on you. Or, he did cheat on you."  
I wasn't sure how to phrase it- it was past tense, so it wasn't that he was cheating, unless he was fucking a blender at walmart or something, but he definitely cheated on her.

Ciara looked pissed, but it was better to tell her than to just let her and Awsten keep fucking each other over.

"if you don't believe me, just check his shoulder."  
I think that's more than I've ever said to Awsten in one sentence, it's not that I couldn't talk, but it's kinda difficult, like trying to push a fridge on dirt. It's hard, but it's doable.

I got up and went to my room, I think Awsten was going to be pissed at me, but whatever. 

\---------------------------------------------------------  
Woot woot back to Awstens pov.

When I got home, the first thing ciara did was come up to me and pull my shirt down to look at my shoulder.

It wasn't the shoulder that had the hickey on it, but she seemed pretty determined.

"Jesus, what are you doing?"

Ciara pulled my shirt off of my other shoulder, and then glared at me so fucking intensely I thought I was going to burst into flames.

"Geoff was right,"  
Wait Geoff? The fuck did he tell her?  
"Youre cheating on me!"  
Ah, fuck.

"Look, Awsten."  
She muttered, grabbing her suitcase. Apparently she was pretty fuckin ready to walk out on me.

"I've been fucking another guy, but I don't feel guilty about it anymore, because apparently you have too."

What the fuck was I even supposed to say? I wasn't going to fucking cry, if I did I'd throw myself out my god damn window.

"Whatever, I don't give a shit anyways."  
Wow, I sounded like a douchebag.

Ciara left, and that was a weird breakup.

Also, I'm fucking pissed at Geoff.

That happened so quickly- where was the yelling? The screaming? The indicator that we gave two shits about one another in the first place?  
Whatever.

I made Geoff an appointment with a doctor for in a few days- I wanted to know what was wrong with him, also if he had any STDS I guess, but right now the idea of doing anything with Geoff was making me sick.

If I really couldn't stand to be around Geoff, I could get Otto to take him. But I have a feeling that I couldn't hold a grudge against him for more than a day.

I knew too much about Geoff; I knew I'd have to tell him why I'm angry at him, or else he'll be completely oblivious, and my god, I wish I didn't know that much.

I knocked on Geoff's door, and when I opened it he wasn't there-  
Ah, fuck.

Great, I lost Geoff.  
I fucking lost Geoff.

This wasn't the first time he was just randomly gone; but right now all my emotions are hightened, and now I'm fuckin worried.

The first place I looked was my room, and he wasn't there either- he wasn't anywhere in my apartment, so the next option was Otto's.

I knocked on Otto's door a bit frantically, yet he still took his sweet ass time answering.

"Oh, hey-"  
"Is Geoff here?"  
"Wow, I don't even get a proper greeting?"

Oh my god, Otto. This is not the time to be petty.

"Hi! How are you? How's the weather? How have you been? How's your great aunt? Got that thing on your ass removed yet? Where the fuck is Geoff."

"Jesus Christ, he's on the couch."

Sure enough, Geoff was sitting on the couch hugging a comically large stuffed dog.

Geoff looked over at me, and looked horrified.  
Did I scare Geoff now or something?

"Geoff! Dude!"  
I went over to him and sat pretty closely beside him.  
"Tell me when you're going to Otto's! And also,"

I leaned over to whisper into his ear, Otto didn't need to hear our problems.

"You are in such deep shit."

I grabbed Geoff's hand, and hauled him back to my apartment. Geoff took Otto's stuffed dog with him, but we could get that back to Otto later.

"Geoff,"  
It was unfair of me to blame everything on Geoff; I didn't want to, I know it's my fault that I cheated and that I didn't tell him not to tell ciara, and I can't help that he doesn't understand he did something wrong- if he even did something wrong, I don't know, I'm just completely fucked right now and I have no clue how to fucking handle it.

Geoff sat down on the couch, and I sat beside him.

I was about to start talking, but for some stupid fucking reason I started crying.

"Ciara broke up with me, and it's unfair for me to blame it all on you and I'm sorry, I should have never done that- I shouldn't have done anything with you, I don't even know if you're in the right mental state to consent to that shit and ciara was only one room away and just- what the fuck is wrong with me?"

I went on, and on, and on- and thank God Geoff didn't tell me to shut the fuck up.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I looked fucking pathetic, but if Geoff even did give a shit he was doing a damn good job at hiding it.

Geoff set the dog to the side, and pulled me into his lap instead.

I sat between his legs while he held his arms tightly around me. I didn't mind right spaces to begin with, but this one was pretty damn pleasant right now.

Geoff wasn't saying anything- he was just gently rocking us side to side, until I stopped crying.

That took at least fifteen minutes, and Geoff wiped my face with his sleeve.

"Fuck- I'm sorry."  
I mumbled, wiggling around a bit.

Geoff held both of my hands, and really after coming in here ready to blame everything on him things had certainly changed.

"I'm sorry."  
Geoff mumbled to me, oh great, time to start crying again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear friend I have no idea what to write for the next chapter please give me suggestions


	11. Chapter 11

Okay I may not be too fantastic at knowing what the heck goes on at an appointment like this but I have an excuse: I'm only fourteen and Google is freaking useless  
_______________________________________

It had been a couple of days since I cried while sitting in Geoff's lap, and although I doubt my ego would ever get over that I had way bigger things to worry about today.

Geoff had an appointment with a neurologist today, and I swear I'm more nervous than Geoff.

But I think Geoff wasn't that worried because he was just totally oblivious.

"Hey, Geoff?" 

I called, and Geoff came out of his room a few seconds later.

"We should get going."

Me and Geoff left the apartment at around eleven am, the appointment was at twelve.

The car ride wasn't too eventful, Geoff stared out the window the entire time, and I did my best not to stare at Geoff the whole ride, since being a responsible driver is surprisingly important.

We had to sit in a waiting room for a ridiculous amount of time, and Geoff was getting quite fidgety by the time we were actually called.

We were moved to a different room, where we did more god damn waiting.

I didn't have anything for Geoff to fuck around with, so I gave him my necklace and let him amuse himself with that.

Finally, a doctor came to talk to us.

She asked me a lot of questions; and was seemingly ignoring Geoff for the most part. It could probably be explained with they needed information on what to even test Geoff on in the first place, but who knows.

Of course, they did ask Geoff questions too- only the ones I couldn't answer or Geoff didn't agree with my answer, though.

We were sent off to wait again, which I'm pretty sure was killing Geoff. I don't know what he would be like if he didn't hit his head on a rock, but I doubt he would be this impatient.

We were called into another thing again, and the doctor pulled me aside to tell me what they were going to check Geoff out for.

You could understand my confusion when she told me they were testing Geoff for dementia, isn't that only for old people?  
I learned that day that although it's not very common, people can get dementia from hitting their head on something hard enough.

Obviously, it wouldn't just be like "SMACK YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR OWN NAME", but it could develop quicker.

And with Geoff, they were actually really concerned about it.

I was allowed to be in the room, but I wasn't allowed to help him with any of the tests or anything, since that would intervene.

He got alot of shit done that day, to say the least. 

We didn't get home until like five pm that day, and Geoff looked exhausted.

They were going to call me with the results in a few days, but until then I'll just try not to over think everything.

When you think of dementia, chances are you don't paint a picture of anybody under the age of like seventy five, but here Geoff was- twenty eight and being tested for dementia.

We still had to get him an appointment to get him tested for any STDS and stuff like that, since a neurologist isn't really going to do that.

While I sat there getting lost inside my own head Geoff was aimlessly wandering around the apartment.

It was weird at first when he started doing that, but now I think it's cute.

He knows he's not lost, so I'm not sure why he goes around checking everything in the apartment, but it was adorable no matter what.

My phone vibrated, and I had two texts from Kellin.

It was a video of the surveillance fotage, and some guy grabbed a jug of milk and looked at it.

Maybe thirty seconds of him checking it out, and he looks around him.

Then the motherfucker bottle flips it.

No, he didn't land it, that isn't how full  jugs of milk work. It split down the side and he spilled in all the milk, and then there was just a guy laying in a puddle of milk in the middle of the damn store.

'you're lucky you weren't here today'  
Was the other text Kellin had sent, and Jesus Christ he's right.

Why the actual fuck would you bottle flip a jug of milk? Especially in a fucking store.

Eventually Geoff came and sat beside me, and put an arm around me.

_______________________________________

Sorry this chapter was so short, I got some writers block lmao and hey also if you have any suggestions for where this fic could go or literally any ideas tell me because I have no idea what to write lmao


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya boi's back at it again with another short ass chapter

"Dude I can't believe two different people have tried to bottle flip a jug of milk this week," I said to Kellin while we were on break.

My phone rang and I reached into my pocket to grab it, I recognize the number as being from the hospital from where I took Geoff to get his head checked out. Well not really get his head checked out, I guess more make sure he's not totally fucked.

I answer the phone like a typical white person would, saying "yellow?"  
Like freaking idiot.

They start talking, saying a bunch of weird stuff that I didn't understand. Mostly because they were all medical terms, and I am not a scientist. or doctor I guess is what they're called, but the gist of it was that Geoff did have dementia and he was between stage 2 and stage 3, where it wasn't necessarily that he needed help doing absolutely everything, but he did need help doing some things. as his mind was deteriorating.

We had a short conversation on the phone before I thanked the person and hung up, promising them to tell Geoff the news once I got back from work. Kellin looked at me with a questioning look and I told him what was going on.

Kellin didn't really appreciate me living with Geoff and everything, but he was understanding when it came to Geoff's problems.

I didn't know if Geoff would understand what having dementia meant when I told him, hell I didn't I barely even understood that much about it, but I think he's intelligent enough to get the general idea of it.

My shift ended in another 2 hours or so, and I was quite anxious to get home and tell Geoff what was up, I didn't know how he would take it seeing as he was a pretty unpredictable person.

I think Kellin was even more worried than me though, but that's probably because he'd never met Geoff properly. he didn't see Geoff as the sweetheart who could do no wrong that I saw him as, Kellin saw him as more of that guy who slept in our trash can for a month and was potentially dangerous.

I actually started to think about what Geoff having dementia meant, and I was fucking terrified.

Geoff was already pretty far gone, and it was only going to get worse.  
He could be a fucking mess by the time he was thirty two, or maybe he could stay in this stage for decades, who knows.

Was I even ready to dedicate my life to Geoff?  He's a person, not a dog. he's a way bigger responsibility than owning an animal or a cactus or something.

Fuck.  
_______________________________________

I got home from work, and Geoff was sprawled out on the couch staring blankly at the wall.

Great.

This wouldn't have bothered me so much if I was still oblivious to Geoff's mental state, but now I swear every little thing was going to freak me out.

Him wandering around the apartment looking into all the rooms? Chances are he's actually looking around because he forgot what the apartment looked like, or he didn't remember which room was which.

I noticed he didn't like watching shows that were a continuation with me, and before I thought he just didn't understand them, or he wasn't a huge fan of dramas or whatever, but now thinking about it he probably didn't remember fuck all about what happened in the last episode.

"Hey, uh, Geoff," I sat down, moving Geoff's feet out of the way and placing them back in my lap.

He looked up at me and blinked a few times, how long had he been staring at the wall?

"So, I got a call from your neurologist,"  
Geoff nodded, encouraging me to go on.

"And, well, she said a bunch of shit- but to sum it up, basically, you have dementia."

Geoff started at me for a moment, and mumbled an 'oh' before returning to focusing on the wall.

I sighed, he was obviously in one of his 'moods'.

Normally when you say a person is in a 'mood' it means they're angry or whatever, but when I say that about Geoff it means he's turned into a literal brick wall with '???' Spray painted on it.

I fucking love Geoff, but those moods were the worst.

Sometimes they lasted for a few minutes, sometimes it's a few hours, once it was a few days, which was pretty shitty.

I really hope Geoff was out of this soon- it's pretty difficult to tell him hard news when he's as responsive as a stump.

_______________________________________

It had been a few hours, and at this point I was just scrolling Twitter while Geoff continued to stare at the wall.

"Hey, Awsten."

Finally, he's talking to me.

"Yeah?"  
I focused my attention from my phone to Geoff, and he sat up a bit.

Geoff didn't say anything else, he grabbed my sweater and pulled me into his chest, then laid back down.

I adjusted myself so I wasn't under his legs and on his chest at the same time, and laid my head on his chest.

Okay, I guess he isn't talking to me then.

A few hours had passed, before Geoff finally said something.

"Your eyes are pretty."  
"Oh, uh, thanks?"

Geoff grabbed my head and lifted my chin so I was looking at him, rather than looking over at the wall.

_______________________________________

Geoff had insisted on sleeping in my bed this night, which I didn't mind- except sleeping in the same bed with him is like sleeping with a spider that's trying to fuck you.

Geoff had fallen asleep pretty quickly, I think all that doing absolutely fuck all for five hours really tired him out.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up fuckers bet yall thought you saw the last of me, but ya boi is back with a chapter that got kinda depressing because I'm an ass and I was in a sad mood lmao

I stayed awake, for quite a lot longer than Geoff.

Geoff didn't seem to understand when I told him he had dementia, so I'd have to work on explaining it to him tomorrow.

While I was staring at my ceiling I felt Geoff put his arm across my chest, and gripped me rather tightly.

God, how did I get myself into this?

I'd do anything and everything for Geoff, I could live on a liferaft next to him, and God, I dont know if I'm fucking myself over by loving somebody this much, but I sure feel this is going to come around and bite me in the ass.

Three am rolled around, and finally I managed to fall asleep.

_______________________________________

I don't know what woke me up, but I was startled out of my sleep by something.  Maybe it was a loud noise, or maybe it was Geoff.

I looked over to my side and noticed Geoff wasnt in the bed with me anymore, and it occurred to me that what woke me up could have easily been him falling out of the bed.

I went to look over the side of the bed, but before I even could Geoff popped straight out of another fucking dimension or some shit,

"Hey Awsten!"

"Jesus fuck-"  
Geoff scared the shit out of me, I jumped back a bit.

Geoff climbed back onto the bed, he was strangely excited this morning.

He leaned his face close to mine, like, really close- what is he doing? 

Geoff smiled, and kissed my nose quickly.

I don't know what put him into such a happy interactive mood, but holy shit I want to know what is was. He's never like this.

My phone vibrated as Geoff started to straddle me, and I got a glimpse of the screen.

Patty had texted me, I didn't get to see what he said before the screen turned back off- but our last conversation was about tortilla chips and what shapes were most practicle, so I can't imagine it was that important.

I turned my attention back to Geoff, and ruffled his hair playfully.

I know I seriously needed to talk to Geoff, but he's too happy to fuck over right now.

Way too happy.

Me and Geoff had a weird relationship. sometimes we were completely platonic, and other times we uh... weren't.

A lot goes on behind what's written down, that's why it's not written down- an excessive amount of time skips (like wow what is this author's problem) can result in A lot of holes, but I can tell you right now, me and Geoff have kissed way more than what's been documented.

Maybe I haven't blown him more than once, but that's not as important.

"What's got you in such a happy mood?"  
I asked, it was hard to contain my smile.

I was laying down, and I should have taken into consideration how much Geoff likes pinning me to things, and how easy it was for him to do with him straddeling me.

Geoff didn't answer my question, but he did grab my wrists and pin them close to my head.

I didnt mind being held down, but I wasn't used to it.

I may be bi™ but I've never actually been in a "relationship" if you could call what me and Geoff have that, with another guy.

I tried to move my wrists slightly, but I realized Geoff actually had a pretty strong grip on me.

I laughed softly, I don't know if I'm nervous or I just really trust Geoff, but it's probably a lot of both.

Me and Geoff started to kiss, and only was it then Patty decided to start spamming me.

I groaned, and Geoff momentarily pulled away and let go of one of my wrists for me to check my phone.

Of course Geoff didn't fully pull away, he worked on leaving a bunch of marks on my neck while I answered text messages.

Patty Walters 9:27 am:  
Dude do you want to do shit with me and Ben today

9:32  
'Dude'

'Dude'

'Awsten'

'You can bring Geoff'

'Awsten'

'Hey'

'Oh my god'

'AWSTEN CONSTANTINE KNIGHT I SWEAr TO GOD'

'DUDE'

My god Patty, you couldn't even wait like ten minutes while I got my swerve on.

"Dude, just a sec"

I typed one handed, and sent the text in a very rushed manner.

I placed my phone back on the nightstand, and Geoff was quick to grab my wrist again.

I really wanted to do whatever Geoff was up for right now, but I couldn't keep the thought of talking to him about dementia out of my head.

I didn't have alot of time to tell Geoff I wanted to stop, I mean- I could tell him at any point, but there's a small window of opportunity where I can tell him I don't want him to suck my dick and not leave both of us with awkward hard-ons.

I tested out with trying to get him to un-pin my wrist, but he still had a relatively strong grip on me.

"Geoff.."

I took my free hand and delicately pushed up on his chest,  
"We need to talk."

The way Geoff looked at me as his face dropped and mumbled a 'yeah' made me feel terrible, to say the least.

Geoff unpinned my other arm and sat beside me, leaning against the headboard.

I didn't know what else to do, so I started talking.

"Look, Geoff- you were pretty out of it yesterday, and we'll get to that- but did you even hear me when I said you had dementia?"

Geoff shrugged, I think he was avoiding eye contact with me.  
"Kinda..."

This conversation was harder to have than I imagined, it wasn't just 'yo you have dementia' 'oh swag on'  
Like, this was a serious thing and I didn't take into consideration that Geoff would be effected so negatively by it.

 

I wish I had talked to kellin about how to tell Geoff, he- or at least his boyfriend Vic would know. I hate telling people bad news, I hate being the reason somebody is sad for the day.

"I- fuck, Geoff. I love you, and holy shit I didn't expect this to be so hard to talk about. But man, you're pretty far gone... I don't know, I don't know yet how long it's gonna be until you turn into a piece of broccoli and I just- I don't want to see that happen to you and, ah fuck-"

Keeping it together as I spoke was hard, and I didn't want to be labeled Geoff's crybaby but fuck, man. This is hard.

The tears started coming and they were coming heavy, I sat in the same position as Geoff and I hid my face in my arms.

I wasn't trying to hide that I was crying at this point, I just didn't want Geoff to see me so torn up like this.

I wiped my eyes with my shirt, and started talking again.

"Fuck, I'm sorry- I don't want to be your crybaby. Geoff, there- there's no cure for dementia and you're only twenty eight, it's so fucked up, man.."

I stopped to sob a bit more, and Geoff put his arm around me.

Great, he's the one who's fucked and I'm the one who needs comfort. I'm fucking pathetic.

"Awsten?"  
"Yeah?"

I don't know what Geoff could possibly say, he's got a pattern of the way he talks, and this is normally something he'd just sit and listen to.

"I love you too.."

Ah, fuck. I can't believe he's done this.

"Motherfucker..."

 

Geoff could easily wake up and have no idea who I was one day, whether it's in twenty days or twenty years, but I don't know if I can live in fear of that happening every single day of my life.

 

I smiled and weakly laughed,  
I leaned into Geoff and buried my face in the crook of his neck.

"Just know, I think you're rare."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

I really did think Geoff was rare, I mean- how many other accounts of finding a guy in a walmart trash,  letting him move in with you, and falling in love with him have you heard of?  
Probably not alot.

Obviously it wasn't just how I found Geoff that made him rare, he's quite the headcase.

I didn't mean that in a bad way- sure Geoff was a nut, but he had a reason to be.

After that little episode this morning I answered Patty, and we were gonna go do shit.

What shit? Well, probably nothing specific. I don't know, but I was kinda nervous, since I was bringing Geoff with me.

Geoff doesn't go alot of places, and he tends to wander, and not be too good with the public in general.

I found a pink ribbon somewhere in my dresser drawer a while ago, and now I'm surprised it was coming into use.

I tied the ribbon loosely onto one of my belt loops, the ribbon was about five feet long.

"...Why?"  
Geoff questioned me as I tied the other end of the ribbon onto his belt loop. Like a dainty handcuff.

"Just being careful.."  
I mumbled, then smiled.

Geoff still looked confused, but he didn't look like he had the energy to press on.

I put my phone into my pocket, and lead Geoff to the door.

"Try to stay close to me, please?"  
I looked up at Geoff, I didn't really expect a response.

Geoff put his hand delicately on the back of my head and kissed my forehead,  
"Always."

We headed out of the building and walked to a nearby park that we were meeting Patty and Ben at.

Geoff didn't say alot, but that gave me time to think.

I haven't had enough time to process stuff lately, it's like my influx of emotions has got me feeling in slow motion or something.

I grabbed Geoff's hand as we sat on a park bench to wait for our friends, and sighed.

"Hey, Geoff?"

He looked at me and nodded, at least he was giving me a signal he had my attention.

"I think you're gonna like Ben, he has long hair and he's really sweet."

Geoff looked over at the ground, but eventually he responded.

"..Can I braid it?"

"Yeah, if he lets you."

_______________________________________

Patty's p.o.v

"Ben, c'mon! We have to go!"  
I laughed as Ben kissed my neck,

"C'mon, Patty! Five minutes won't hurt!"

"Dude, we gotta make a good impression on Awsten's... boyfriend? He didn't really specify, we can't be late!"

"Well, I'm not letting you blow me while we're driving, it's not that safe."

Ben laced his fingers with mine, and brought my arms to shoulder level.

"Seriously, it'll only take five minutes!"  
Ben pleaded, I playfully rolled my eyes.

"if it's only gonna take five minutes then you need to up your game, dude."

"Pattyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..."  
He whined, and I have a feeling he wasn't going to give up until I agreed to suck him off.

"Fine, but I swear to god if you leave something like this until last minute again you're just gonna have to tuck it into your waistband and suck it up."

Ben's face lifted, and he was grinning ear to ear. It was like a child on Christmas, but instead of getting a PlayStation or something he gets a blowjob.

Me and him switched positions, so he was the one on the wall.  
Normally, we'd make out for a bit and ease into me getting on my knees. But we were on a tight schedule damnit, so the sound of me hitting the floor was immediate.

Ben brushed his fingers through my hair and rested his hand on the back of my head as I undid his pants.  
I had to be quick, we only had about five minutes after all.

More often than not I would have most of the control in this situation, and I could do what I wanted. But I had a feeling it was gonna be one of those times where Ben was going to just push and pull on my hair to get my head to do what he wants.

I didn't mind it when he did that, but he could get a little bit rough.

I barely even had enough time to take a breath after Ben's dick was out before he shoved my mouth onto it.

I gagged slightly, and instinctively pulled back, but Ben wasn't letting me pull back more than an inch or so before pushing me back down.

Ben basically used my hair as a method of controlling me, he pulled me roughly backwards, and then pushed me forward until my nose made contact with his skin.

I gagged again as I was roughly pulled and pushed.

Ben was moaning quietly every time his tip touched the back of my throat, and he started to moan louder when I hollowed out my cheeks and used my tongue to put pressure on the vein underneath his dick.

"Jesus Christ,"  
He mumbled and once again shoved his dick down my throat, but this time he didn't pull me back up after a few seconds- he thrusted his hips forward roughly, I started to try to pull away since I needed to breathe.   
Ben kept my head down for probably ten seconds, until he pulled me back once again.

I placed my hands on his hips while he came on my tongue, I was never going to get used to that part- I didn't hate it, but sometimes I had to spit.

Ben pulled me completely off his dick and delicately placed his hand on my jawline,  
"See? I told you it'd only take five minutes."  
He said as he tried to catch his breath.

I was panting as well, and hesitantly swallowed the cum that was still in my mouth.

I stood up slowly, and then kissed Ben.   
I forced my tongue into his mouth, and he pushed me away.  
"Ah! You dick, gross!!"  
"Serves you fucking right, asshole!"  
I laughed, then grabbed his hand and started dragging him towards the door.

"Come on, we seriously need to go now."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, another smut warning, im on a roll

Patty's p.o.v

We arrived at the park probably ten minutes after Ben made us late, and I'm forever going to be salty about that.

I spotted Awsten's blue hair on a bench nearby, and he was sitting between the legs of a guy with light brown hair, who I'm assuming is Geoff.

"Hey dudes!"  
I took a seat beside them, and Ben sat beside me.  
"Sorry we were late, blame Ben."  
Ben rolled his eyes, and playfully slapped my arm.

"If you really didn't want to be late you wouldn't have agreed to it."  
He mumbled, and Awsten threw his arms back to cover Geoff's ears.

"Woah! There is a child present."

"...I'm twenty eight."  
Geoff said quietly as he removed Awsten's hands from his ears.

"...ANYWAYS. This is Geoff."   
Awsten said as he craned his neck to look at him.

"Geoff, this is Patty and Ben- Ben's the one with long hair."

Geoff looked up from the ground, or maybe Awsten's knee- I don't know what he was looking at, but he reached out slowly, and ran his fingers along Ben's hair.

Awsten gave Ben an apologetic look, but I may or may not have forgotten to enlighten Ben that Geoff had some... Issues that Awsten wouldn't elaborate on.

Ben gave me and Awsten a very confused look, while Geoff stopped petting him.

_______________________________________

We were sitting in a restaurant, I can't remember what it was called- but Awsten was eating some sort of pasta, and Geoff had been acting weird the entire time we were here.  
Well, me and Awsten were texting each other he said Geoff wasn't being anymore weird than usual- but still, I had a vibe he was gonna do something weird, and boy I was most definitely not wrong.

The waiter came by to check on us, Geoff made eye contact with the waiter, and then grabbed a bunch of Awsten's pasta and shoved it into the waiters pocket before any of us could register what was happening.

"Holy shit, dude!"  
Awsten yelled, while Geoff just blankly stared at him.

"Fuck- I'm so sorry," Awsten said to the waiter as he rapidly tried to clean off Geoff's hand with napkins.

Ben was trying not to fall over he was laughing so hard, and I was just confused by the whole situation.

"Uh, I'll get you some more napkins-"

The waiter stammered, he was probably more confused than I was.

Awsten sighed once he had left, and made eye contact with Geoff.

"Okay, if you're gonna do shit like that I'm not letting you outside my apartment. Next time, you're staying with otto."

Geoff didn't even seem to react, he just stared at Awsten, like he was trying to set him on fire with his eyes.

Geoff tried to get up, I'm assuming to leave- but he only got about a foot away from the table before something stopped him. Of course, that thing was a pink ribbon that happened to be tied to his belt loop.

He and Awsten looked like they had an entire conversation with their eyes, before Geoff started trying to untie the ribbon.

"Geoff, stop."  
Geoff didn't listen to Awsten, I don't think he listened to anybody- but Awsten looked pretty pissed.

Awsten got up and roughly grabbed both of Geoff's wrists, and that was the first time Geoff's face showed emotion since the whole ordeal started.

Awsten still looked like he wanted to cut a bitch, but his face softened the slightest bit when Geoff winced.

Geoff closed his eyes and moved his head away, it looked like he was expecting whatever the worst might be to come.

"Geoff, what's up?"  
"Don't ask."

Awsten let go of one of Geoff's wrists, and the skin went from being pure white from how hard Awsten's grip back to Geoff's regular skin tone.

Awsten looked closely and saw a few scars around Geoff's wrist, and before your mind goes there I'm gonna shut it down right now and say they're not from any kind of self harm. 

"Dude, what are those from?"  
Awsten asked.  
who knew Geoff shoving spaghetti into a strangers pocket would unravel another tragic flashback?

"I don't want to fucking talk about it, Okay?"

_______________________________________  
Awsten's p.o.v

First of all; I think that's the most Geoff has ever said in one sentence, and second of all; what the fuck?

I've never seen Geoff act like this before, or look this pissed- everything about this was new and I don't know fuckall about what to do in this situation.

He was fine before we left, in fact this morning he was in a really fucking good mood- and now he literally looks like he wants to kick my ass.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I don't want to say anything id regret- especially to Geoff.

"Geoff, we're going to talk about this when we get home, but for right now can you try not to punch me?"

"I wouldn't punch you."

I felt Geoff delicately put his hand on my cheek, at least he didn't have cold hands. 

"Well, I'm glad to hear that."  
I sighed, I think Geoff might be acting out because he's in public and overwhelmed, or maybe he saw something that caused a dramatic flashback, I'd have to ask him when it was just the two of us.

I let go of Geoff's other wrist, and I feel like we should probably leave before he does something else.

"Guys, I'm sorry- but I really have to go, I don't think Geoff is good to stay here much longer."

"Yeah, no problem man- you two have fun.."  
I got out my wallet and handed patty enough money to pay for mine and Geoff's food, and then I took his hand and booked it the fuck out of there.

I dragged Geoff along with me as I speedwalked back to my apartment, I might still be a bit pissed.

It wasn't Geoff's fault, but I couldn't help being angry that he just had a random outburst in the middle of a resteraunt.

We got back to my apartment within a pretty short time, and I looked at Geoff for the first time since the resteraunt.

Geoff looked tired, he looked worn the fuck out and I felt bad for a second.

I couldn't yell at him, I couldn't hit him, I couldn't express any form of anger towards him because he wouldn't fucking understand.

I decided in that moment that I didn't want to talk to Geoff, but I did have another idea of calming down.

"Hey, Geoff?"  
"Yeah?"

The sound of Geoff hitting the wall as I started to kiss him rang out through the apartment, it was with an aggression I didn't even know I could manage that I pinned Geoff's wrists to the wall near his hips.

I kept forgetting Geoff was stronger than me, and he had his arms unpinned and around my waist within seconds.

I pulled away for a second and made eye contact with him, he didn't look tired anymore.

I kissed him harder, and tangled my fingers in his hair.

Geoff moaned softly as I pulled his hair, and he started pushing me toward the couch.

Once we were there, I shifted us around and pushed Geoff onto the couch, and climbed on top of him.

I straddled him as I rapidly pulled my hoody off and tossed it to the side.

Geoff grabbed my hips roughly, his finger tips digging into my skin at an almost painful level, but I wasn't thinking about pain right now.

I wasn't thinking at all.

I leaned down to kiss Geoff again, and as we made out my shirt was pulled over my head and thrown onto the coffee table.

Geoff flipped us over with some effort, and now I was underneath him.

My pants were on the floor in a blur, and so were Geoff's.

I barely even noticed what was going on anymore, but I could worry about it later.

Geoff kissed me again, and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Oh, fuck-"  
I moaned as he started to palm me.

Geoff untangled himself from my legs, and practically ripped off my underwear.

I honestly felt exposed, Geoff towered over me, and I really wished he would say something.

"Don't we uh.. don't we.."  
Geoff closed his eyes and sighed,  
"Don't we need lube?"  
"No. Not this time."

I was stupid and I really wished I didn't say that, but I was too horny to care right now.

Geoff's boxers were on the ground in a flash and he leaned back down to kiss my neck.

"it's gonna fucking hurt."

I didn't really think hard enough about it, my vision had been blurry this entire time, and my mind was foggy.

As soon as I felt Geoff's tip inside me my mind cleared the fuck up and suddenly I could see, well- the best I could without my glasses.

"Oh my god-"  
I shut my eyes tightly and dug my nails harshly into Geoff's back.

"Fuck, oh my god- fuck, fuck- holy fuck,"  
Geoff pushed in further, and I really regret saying I didn't need any form of lubrication.

I opened my eyes briefly, and Geoff smiled at me.

I was breathing heavily, and from his perspective I probably looked like a little bitch. But right now that wasn't my main concern, I actually didn't have a main concern right now. Just a few tiny worries that I don't want to think about right now.

There was a very small point in the back of my mind saying, "hey, didn't you make a point against doing this?"  
But right now I wasn't listening.

Geoff started to kiss my neck, and I tried not to dig my nails too hard into his back as he pulled back a bit, and pushed back into me.

"Motherfucker,"  
He did it a few more times before he had an actual pace, which was slow at first.

Geoff thrusted in at a few different angles, until one made my vision unexpectedly have black dots in it.

"Fuck-"  
Geoff grunted quietly, that's the first thing I've heard him say since we started this.

Geoff kissed me as he kept hitting what I assumed was my prostate, my knowledge on stuff like this was very limited though so I could only assume.

I moaned into his mouth and pulled his hair delicately, and he gripped my hips so tight I imagine his knuckles were white.

"Geoff-"  
It was a challenge not to cum as Geoff started to jerk me off, a challenge that I could not defeat.

 

Geoff smirked at me as I squirmed and came on my stomach and his chest, and he quickened his pace.

It felt different after I came, it hurt more I guess.

Geoff came not more than a minute later, though. So I was fine.

I was fucking exhausted, it was hard to keep my eyes open as Geoff pulled out and climbed out from between my legs and off of me.

"Geoff, what are you doing?"  
I mumbled as I felt his arms beneath my legs and back, and I was being lifted up.

I heard a door open, and a few seconds later I was being set down on my bed.

I heard Geoff leave the room, but I was way too tired to open my eyes.

His footsteps faded, then thirty seconds later he was coming back into the room.

I felt something wet on my stomach, I think it was a cloth. I'm pretty sure Geoff was wiping off the cum, which I'm kind of surprised he took the consideration to do, honestly.

 

Geoff laid beside me, and I didn't expect him to say anything, but he did.

"..It was a sharp wall."

I didn't understand what he meant.

"What?"  
"The scars, they're from a sharp wall."

I'm thankful for the explanation, but Jesus Geoff needed to elaborate more.

"What happened?"  
I was planning on just passing out, but this conversation was more important than sleep.

"I don't know- I was pinned against a wall, I don't... I don't remember the man, he... he might have been my boyfriend, I don't know. He was angry, I have a scar on my head too- he hit me with some kind of glass bottle. It was five years ago, maybe. Something like that. It was a chipped brick wall. It dug into my wrists, it hurt. I bled alot, I think. Maybe not."

Alot of what Geoff said was unecessary mumbo-jumbo, but that was a fuckton for him to say, and that's a pretty shitty story.

"Dude, that's so.. shitty.."

I tried to stay awake, but my tiredness got the best of me and I found myself drifting off to sleep.

Looks like we have alot to talk about in the morning.


	16. 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm so sorry it took me so long to update, I was just really busy doing (nothing, I don't have an excuse) and I couldn't write for a while

Have you ever thought about an honour slaying? I think about it too much honestly.  
It's so weird that it was legal to kill somebody for their sexuality.

I don't know why I'm bringing this up honestly.

Geoff was still asleep, and I guess my thoughts were wandering.

I mean, what if I lived in the forties? Would I have been killed?  
I'm really defensive, and I'm pretty petty.  
I probably would have been killed, honestly.

I can't say the same for Geoff though, I'm not even that sure he's gay! I mean, he's obviously kinda gay, but Geoff is a mystery all on his own.

I felt Geoff begin to stir beside me, and took note that he was waking up.

As usual, we had a fuckton to talk about.

Or maybe we didn't, maybe if neither of us brought it up it would just go away. I'm an awful person for thinking this, but I really do hope it just goes away.

I hate talking about it, I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to think about it. Fuck, how did I get myself into this?

I can't think thoughts like that. I can't say 'how did I get into this' because that implies I want a way out, and I don't know if I want a way out or not. I don't know, I don't know anything.

Geoff put one arm around me and muttered something, and then I think he fell back asleep.

I don't know what he muttered, it sounded like complete nonsense. Something like, 'linkin park had Edgar'.

What does that mean?  
Maybe he was talking about Edgar Alan Poe, or maybe that guy from the aristocats. I think his name was Edgar anyways. Or that kid from the lost boys, wasn't his name Edgar?

Why am I putting so much thought into this? I didn't even know Geoff liked linkin park, and I'm thinking about what Edgar he's talking about. Great.

My phone started ringing, and it was a number I didn't recognize, but I picked up anyways because I'm not a dick.

"Hi, is this Awsten Knight?"  
The lady on the phone asked, oh great. It wasn't just a wrong number.

"Uh, yeah."  
"Im calling from (i dont want to come up with a hospital name fight me), have a file saying that uh, Geoff Wigington lives with you?"  
Fuck. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.  
What did they want with Geoff?  
Shit. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"Uh, what's this about?"  
I didn't want to tell them anything. I don't know Why, I guess I'm just paranoid they're going to say Geoff should live in a special hospital or whatever. And really, I don't know what id do if I was alone.

"Well, a family member of his is reaching out to try and contact him."

I've never hung up a phone that fast before.  
It wasn't as quick as you could hang up a flip phone, but it was pretty damn quick.

I don't want fuckall to do with Geoff's family.

That was selfish of me to do, I should have asked Geoff or at least talked to the person more. I've been awake like, ten minutes and I've already fucked up. Great.

I nudged Geoff softly until he woke up, and when he looked at me he didn't look at me the same way as he normally did.

His blank stare just seemed more, empty than usual I guess.

"Hey, you good?"  
Geoff's eyes closed briefly, and they opened again.

"What? I.. was, just talking to Mike. Where's Mike?"  
Who the fuck is Mike?

Fuck, maybe he's mixing up a dream or whatever, but this isn't good. 

"Who's mike?"  
Geoff just stared at me.

"And, Chester. He was there, too."  
Oh, fuck he's talking about Linkin Park.

"Chester isn't here anymore, honey."  
He looked confused, maybe he never heard that Chester passed away? He probably didn't, come to think of it. Where would he hear that anyways?

"What were you and Mike talking about?"  
Geoff shook his head and closed his eyes.  
"This guy, he has blue hair."

Does... Geoff not recognize me?  
Does Geoff not fucking recognize me??  
Fuck fuck fuck, shit. No. Fuck, oh no. Fuck.

"Geoff, Hey, look at me."  
I put my hand on his shoulder, and he opened his eyes slightly.

"What's my name?"  
"You look like a blueberry."  
God damn it.  
Maybe he does know who I am and I'm just freaking out for literally no reason. Who knows.

"Geoff, what's your last name?"  
"Something about a wig. Whatever, goodnight."  
His eyes closed again, and I think he fell back asleep.

I'm probably just freaking out over nothing and he was just tired or whatever, but when your boyfriend can't tell you what your name is you'd freak out too.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hope you enjoy the chapter! And before you ask yeah it's Deryck whibley from sum 41

Should I wake Geoff up or just leave him?   
I feel like I really need to wake him up but maybe he just needs sleep and I should just let him be, but I'm so conflicted. Should I be a dick and wake him up for no reason or should I just let him sleep? Such a hard decision.

I was thinking about what his dream could have been about, from what I know he was talking to who I assume was Mike Shenoda about a guy with blue hair, and I'm assuming that guy is me because who else does Geoff know who has blue hair?

I don't know if Geoff understood what I meant when I said Chester wasn't here, but maybe I don't want to tell him. Depending on how into Linkin Park Geoff is, that could really fuck him up.

It's been about an hour and I had left the room briefly to go to the bathroom and get some cinnamon toast crunch, but that's been the only time I left the room. Now I'm just waiting for Geoff to wake up.

I decided to Google something about dementia. It was a fucking terrible decision.

I was reading on some website and most was shit I already knew, but then I can across something that made all my organs fucking drop.

'PeopleWith Dementia Have Shortened Life Expectancies. People with Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia live, on average, about four and a half years after theircondition is diagnosed."

Shit.  
Fuck, no. That had to be wrong.  
For fucks sakes, Geoff is twenty eight! He can't fucking die when he's thirty two!

Good fuck, that can't fucking happen.  
Geoff can't die.  
If Geoff dies...

I stopped that thought right there, and held Geoff's hand under the blankets.

He can't fucking die so soon.

Geoff is what keeps me grounded, before I met him I had my head and ass way up in the clouds but now I have a fuckin responsibility, what do I do when it's gone?  
Fuck.

"Geoff,"  
I nudged him gently, until he began to wake up.

"Yeah?"  
He stared at me, with an unamused look plastered in his eyes.

"Do you remember anything from yesterday?"

Geoff paused, while he gave me the deep seeded blank stare I had become so acustomed to.

"No."

Fuck.

I knew Geoff was going to get worse when he was diagnosed, but I never expected him to get worse so soon.

My phone started ringing, and the caller ID said 'the D', so I knew it was my boss Deryck calling.  
Don't ask why that's his name, you don't want to know.

"Uh, hey-"  
I answered.  
"Dude, you gotta come to work today. There's a bunch of hosers doing their absolute fuckery and fuck if I know how to deal with it, if I could I'd start bringing a mickey with me to work, Jesus fuck."

Deryck is Canadian, and most of the time I could understand what he was saying, but what the fuck is a hoser, what the fuck is a mickey?  
You know what, those are questions for another time.

"Uh, dude, I don't know- Uh, just a sec,"  
I covered my phone, and told Geoff I would be right back. Then I left the room.

"Geoff Uh, he forgot who I was, his own last name, and thought he was talking to Mike shinoda this morning. So Like, I don't know, I might need to stay with him."  
I said as I walked into the kitchen.  
Deryck was a pretty cool dude, and I told him alot about Geoff, and he was pretty understanding.

"Oh shit dude, sounds rough, but real shit man I need you here, can you send him to Otto's or something?"

I guess I could, or if he doesn't want to leave or if Otto can't take him right now I could ask Ben or Patty to come over. 

"I mean, yeah i guess, I'll be there in half an hour."

I heard Deryck sigh in relief,  
"Thank the fucking lord, bro you're a lifesaver. See you then man."

He hung up, and I went back into my room to get dressed and all that shit.

_______________________________________

Otto was busy, but Patty and Ben could come look after Geoff so it was fine. 

 

I drove to work and I was worried as fuck about Geoff the entire time, but at least I'll be seeing some pals for the first time in a while.

Well, not really.

I hate basically everybody I work with except Kellin, Deryck, and Jawn.

I walked it and it was absolute chaos, there were fat women all over the place asking to see the manager, there were random dude literally just knocking shit over, there was a child taking a shit on the floor, there was an adult man taking a shit on the floor, hot pockets everywhere, Deryck looks like he's crying, and kellin is literally hiding behind the counter.

"Oh my god, what the fuck happened in here."

"I don't know!"  
Deryck wailed, I think he is actually crying.  
"Holy fuck, please just fix it."  
He said to me as he placed his fingers on his temples.

"Anything for you, Deryck."  
I said and patted his shoulder, then went into the mess.

"You, what the fuck are you doing!? Don't do that!" I hit the man who was taking a shit on the floor with a broom, and he ran off.

"Where the hell is your mom!?" I said to the child who was taking a shit.

"Fuck you!"

"Okay, fine!"  
I went over to one of the random women in the store asking for the manager, and started to talk to her.

"The manager clearly doesn't want to talk to you!"  
I said, gesturing towards Deryck who was curled up in a ball in a corner looking terrified.  
"Now! If you're that demon child's parent, id suggest stopping them from shitting on the floor!"

I walked away and went to the intercom,   
"If you are currently asking to see the manager I'm just letting you know he is not taking any conversation right Now. That will be all."

Now I had to deal with the people knocking shit over, and they were actually pretty easy to get to leave.

"Dude, stop!"   
"Why?"  
"You're making my manager cry."  
They looked over at Deryck, who was clearly a 38 year old grown ass man, and they were like 'oh, shit. Sorry, later man.'

 

I got all the people disrupting shit out of the store within time, then the ten people who were working at the time had to clean up the whole store.

Me, Jawn, Kellin, and Deryck focused on cleaning up all the shelves and shit that people knocked over. Grace, Jack, and Alex cleaned up all the shit that was spilled, and the rest were stuck with the shit that was on the ground.

Eight hours later and my shift was over and I could leave.

I drove Deryck home, normally he walks home since he lives close but he was fuckin' exhausted from today.

We were talking, and then it got to the subject of Geoff.

"Dude, for real if you ever need to come into work and you don't have anybody to stay with him you can just bring him and he can hang in Like, the break room or my office."

"Thanks man, that means alot."  
I said, and sighed.

I started telling him about what happened yesterday.  
I made the part about us having sex as vague as I possibly could without not mentioning it, and I told him that Geoff forgot all of it, and I told him about Geoff having an abusive boyfriend, absolutely everything.

"Dude, this shit is tearing you apart. Maybe you should get Geoff some help, or step back a bit."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, maybe if you stepped back and stopped being as involved as you are it would be easier. Like, maybe a relationship isn't what Geoff needs right Now."

What Deryck was saying pissed me off, but I couldn't argue because I knew he was right.

"Fuck, I don't know man. Anyways, we're here."  
"Thanks for the ride."

Deryck hopped out of my car, and that was the end of it.

Then I drove home.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It took me a while to write this haha, but I hope you enjoy!!

I got home at around six, and the first thing I noticed when I entered my apartment was Ben's hair was braided, and Patty was wearing one my shirts. Also, I didn't see Geoff anywhere.

"Thank god you're back,"  
Patty said as he stood up from the couch.

"Why are you wearing my shirt?"

Patty paused,  
"I spilled some shit on mine."  
"Where's Geoff?"  
"He's sleeping."

I sighed, Geoff seems to sleep alot today.

"thanks for hanging out with him guys,"  
"Yeah, no problem."  
Ben said as he stood up, they both seemed in a rush to leave.

Ben grabbed Patty's hand, and they hurried out the door.  
"Bye Awsten!"  
"Bye-"  
They were gone before I could even blink, and by all that I assume that Geoff was a total nightmare for them.

I put my keys on the counter, and I headed into the bathroom to take a much needed shower.

While I was in there I started thinking, I might be able to hire somebody to look after Geoff.

Like, a caregiver or whatever.

I could even let them live here, if it was that necessary.

Geoff doesn't use his room anymore, so I could let them live in there-  
No. I am getting way too ahead of myself, that would probably be expensive as all hell. God, what am I gonna do?

I got out of the shower and dried off, and I went back into my room so I could just binge watch big mouth or family guy or some shit until I pass out and don't have to feel feelings anymore.

I walked into the room, and Geoff was sound asleep.

He's probably been sleeping all day.

I threw on a pair of boxers and a random shirt, and I went on my phone.

I had a missed call from the hospital, and a text from a random number I didn't recognize.

I decided to deal with the number first, since I really didn't want to deal with the hospital right now.

The text was really vague, and it was kinda confusing.

'Can you help me with something?'  
It wasn't a local number, and I have no idea where it could possibly be from.

"Who is this?"  
I pressed send, and felt kind of anxious.

"I'm brad. It's raining and idk where I am dude, I've never been here before."

Brad? That sounded like a 25 year old 6'5 body builder who never shuts up about beer and boobs.  
Great.

"can you send me your location?"  
I should probably help him regardless, I don't want to be a huge dick.

A few seconds later a location was sent, and he was in probably the worst part of Houston you could be in.

"Shit dude, you should get out of there. Like, now."

"Idk where to go, I don't even know how I ended up here."

Why didn't I just ignore the number? I swear, my life is like some weird fanfiction where the author is running out of ideas.

"Shit dude, do you have any family members you can call? Or anything like that?"  
"Nah, nothing."

I sighed; and took a very long, deep breath. And tried to convince myself not to drive over to where this guy is, pick him up, and let yet another person I don't know come to live with me.

It didn't work.

I put on a pair of sweatpants, grabbed my keys, a towel, and a blanket, and I headed out the door to go pick up this dude.

"Stay where you are, I'm coming to get you. It would be helpful if I knew what you looked like."  
"Oh, uh, I have brown hair, and I'm wearing a leather jacket? I guess?"  
Okay brad, thanks. That was vague as fuck. But thanks.

I drove to the other side of the God damn city, and it took quite a while.

But eventually I got to the place he supposedly was, and I didn't see the big douchebag you'd expect when you think of a guy named brad.

I saw a kid.

Well, not a kid- he was probably eighteen or nineteen, but he was tiny.

He was Like, 5'6, and he looked like a wet dog at the moment.

I quickly got out of my car, and it was still raining, and ran up to him.

"Are you brad?"  
"..yeah.."  
He looked tired, and kinda sad too.

"Shit dude, I wasn't expecting that."  
I put the towel around his shoulders and lead him back to my car.

He got into the passenger side, and I started to drive.

"Alright,"  
I paused for a second to look him up and down,  
"..Brad."

He looked up from his lap and at me, and he fidgeted with his fingers.

"So, tell me your tale."

He took a deep breath, and I expected it to be huge, but I was immensely dissapointed.

"Things just weren't... Working out, I guess."

I glanced at him again,  
"That's an understatement."

He laughed softly, and was staring down.

He has an accent, and I think he's from somewhere in the uk, but I would have absolutely no idea where, maybe Ben would be able to tell.

I could tell Brad didn't want to talk about what may have happened, and I respected that and did my best not to be nosey.

"So, are you good with going back to my place?"  
"Yeah, sure."  
He spoke quietly, and for some reason I could tell that wasn't normal for him.

"Alright, I should probably tell you about Geoff though."  
"Geoff?"  
He spoke at a normal speaking volume for the first time, and it was nice.

"Yeah, he's my boyfriend."

Brad nodded, I wasn't worried, he didn't really strike me as somebody who would be homophobic at all.

"He's... Well, he has dementia, basically. So if he says something weird or insults you randomly or whatever, don't take it too personally. He's kinda out of it for now."

I could see Brad nod out of the corner of my eye, and the rest of the drive was silent.

When we got to my apartment and came in I could automatically tell Geoff was awake, or I had been robbed and they messed up a bunch of shit.

Either way, I'm annoyed.

"Ah, shit."   
I muttered as I closed the door behind me and brad.

"Geoff!"  
I could see the top of Geoff's head from behind the couch, but he didn't reply.

"Geoff! What happened!?"  
I asked as I approached him, while Brad stood by the door awkwardly.

"I had to find something!"  
"And what was that thing?"  
I asked as I rubbed my temples.  
"A.." Geoff paused and stared up at me, and he actually looked frustrated.  
"A thing!"

I started cleaning up all the stuff that was a mess, it was nothing too bad, at least he didn't break anything.  
Then I remembered Brad was there.

I looked over at him, and he was just awkwardly leaning against the wall.

"Shit, right- I forgot you were here, sorry."  
I said to Brad as I helped Geoff off the floor and sat him down on the couch.

"This kinda got off to a bad start, but uh- this is Geoff,"  
Brad looked at Geoff and smiled, and he walked a bit closer to us.

"Geoff, this is Brad."

Geoff stared at him for a while, and then mumbled 'hi' which is amazing.

"Ill be right back, I'm gonna go get you something that isn't soaking wet to wear."

"Alright, thank you so much man."

Brad seemed really sweet.

While I was in my bedroom grabbing things for him to put on I was thinking, well obviously, and I think Brad is actually younger than I originally thought.

At first I assumed he was about eighteen or nineteen, but now I think he may be sixteen or seventeen, but I guess the only way to figure it out was to ask him.

I swear to god, my house had become a homeless shelter.

I came out with an old Iron Maiden shirt that I probably stole from a friend and a pair of plaid pyjama pants.  
They might be a bit big for him though, he's honestly quite small.

When I came out of my room I saw a sight I didn't expect to see,

Brad had put his hand out towards Geoff and spread his fingers in a fan type way, and Geoff had put his hand on Brads.

Maybe Brad could take care of Geoff whenever I leave, judging from that they obviously get along.

Maybe I should have been jealous that brad had made more emotional connection with Geoff in three minutes than I had all day, but whatever. I'm not being jealous of a kid.

I handed Brad the clothes, and he headed off to change.

Christ, what is my life becoming?


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow look two updates within less than a month from eachother

That night we all crowded onto my couch to watch a movie before we went to sleep, or- before I sent Geoff off to bed and had a conversation with Brad.

The time for Geoff to go to bed came pretty quickly, and he was surprisingly okay with going to bed without me there.

"So, brad, I have quite a few questions."

We sat down on the couch together after saying goodnight to Geoff.

"Okay, I'll try my best to answer them."  
He laughed.

"Okay, first things first- Wait I can't even remember if I told you my name, I'm Awsten, by the way. Anyways, how old are You?"

"I'm turning seventeen in a few months."

Okay, so he was really young. Great.

"Jesus Christ you're young."  
I muttered, then sighed.

"Can you tell me anything about how you ended up in the worst area of Houston?"

Brad shook his head and sighed,  
"I don't know, I woke up there."

Oh, great. Maybe Brad has dementia too.

"Wow, great. Are you from here?"  
He shook his head,  
"Nah, I'm from Britain. I'm honestly not sure how I ended up here, bad luck I guess."

I could tell Brad was keeping alot of things from me, but I don't know if I'm in the right position to pressure him to tell me things yet.

God, he's sixteen.  
I have a sixteen year old sitting on my couch in my clothes that I don't even know and might start living with me.

This could look really bad to the legal system.

While I was looking down I noticed that on Brads arms, specifically around his wrists, there were bruises.

They were light, and maybe he just bruised easily, but that's still kind of concerning.

"What are those from?"  
I asked as I delicately picked up his arm and examined his wrist.

"Oh, well- uh-"   
He started blushing, and bit his lip.

I smiled when I saw the look on his face.

"Well, what are they from?"  
I playfully asked on, and watched him turn even redder.

"Me and my boyfriend have some good times.."  
He mumbled. I swear his face had so much blood in it that he would explode.

I laughed lightly, and put his arm down.

My smile faded, as I'm still concerned as fuck about this guy.

"Brad, do you live with your parents?"  
I asked, putting my hand on his knee in a sorta comforting way I guess.

"I mean, not any more I guess."  
He laughed, but I could tell it upset him.

"When was the last time you saw your parents?"

"About a week ago I think.."  
He stared at my hand that was on his knee, but he didn't seem too bothered by it.

"What about your boyfriend? When did you last see him?"

Brad sighed,  
"Well.."  
He softly rubbed the bruise around his wrist,  
"I think the same..."

He looked pretty torn up about it, and I have a feeling he really missed him.

"Why did you leave?"

That was the main thing I was concerned about, for a kid to just up and leave and leave their family and friends behind there has to be a reason.

"A few reasons, mainly my parents I guess."

This was definitely a story I needed to hear.

"Alright, I'm all ears and no judgement, if you want to you can tell me anything."

Brad looked up at me, and took a deep breath.

"Okay, well- my dad wasn't supposed to be home, and me and my boyfriend- Tristan- were doing some stuff in my room, it wasn't even that bad, we were just messing around on my bed, and this sounds like a lie but literally we were just wrestling. And I guess my dad opened the door and I didn't see him, because Tristan had my arms pinned down and he kissed me, and I was having a great time and everything but my dad flipped shit.  
I don't want to go into great detail, but Tristan got a black eye. He didn't hurt me that badly though, like it could have been worse, I only have a small bruise on my side. It seems like a small thing, and a cliché thing to happen and to leave over, but yeah. There's my story, I guess."

I nodded along as Brad spoke, and I could tell he was trying to tell himself that the situation wasn't as bad as it was and that he was overreacting, but shit dude, honestly that sucks so much.

"Dude, in that case you can stay here as long as you want- but just like, keep in mind that you're a minor, so don't fuck around too much, because we could both definitely get into mega shit for that."

Brad nodded, and he looked relieved that I was letting him stay.  
I swear, my apartment is a homeless shelter.

"Thank you so much!"  
He hugged me tightly, and I hugged him back.

He smelled like rainwater, unsurprisingly. It's better than the first time I hugged Geoff, he smelled like a walmart trash can.

"Alright, kid. You should get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

I said as I stood up, and brad did the same.

"Goodnight Awsten, thanks again."

And we both went to sleep.


	20. 19.5

A/N: this chapter is to just give insight into what exactly when down with brad and his parents and stuff, it may be useful but you don't have to read it if you don't want to.

Brad's p.o.v:

My Dad was doing some work thing or whatever and would be gone for the night, and honesty I'm not too sure where my mom is.  But my dad said I could invite a friend over. And normally I wouldn't, but me and my boyfriend don't spend alot of time together at my house, so this was a great opportunity.

Tristan spun around in my desk chair, while I was laying on my bed.

"Come on! There has to be something to do!"  
He groaned, and stopped spinning.  
"I don't know, I don't tend to do alot of things."

Tristan got out of the chair quickly, and he got into my bed with me.

"There really isn't ANYTHING to do?"

I looked up from my phone at him, and he had begun to straddle me, and he had his hands on each side of my head.

"Oh stop complaining,"  
I say as I push him over, and he falls down beside me.

"We could just enjoy each other's company."

He sat up, and I think he sat up a bit too fast because he did that thing when people get dizzy where they kinda sway their heads.

"Or,"  
My phone dropped onto my chest as Tristan pulled my hands away from it and pinned them down.

"We could WRESTLE."

I laughed, I didn't think he was serious.

"Come on, it'll be fun!"  
Tristan pleaded as he sat back on my stomach.

"Fine, whatever."  
I rolled my eyes.

"But we aren't starting with you on top of me, that's just unfair."

"Okay, okay."  
He muttered as he climbed off of me, and I got into a sitting position.

He didn't count down to starting or anything, he just right off the bat basically tackled me.

"Oh come on! That's not fair!"  
I squirmed beneath him before he could entirely pin me to my mattress, and managed to push him off of me.

We got into a brief kurfuffle (that I was winning, by the way.)  
Before I was pinned down entirely, and he counted down as I struggled to push him off of me, until he hit one and I had lost.

"You're such a dick, I can't believe you didn't let me win."  
I whined as I tried to get out from under him.

"Where's the fun in that?"  
Tristan leaned down and pressed his lips against mine, and suddenly I wasn't so annoyed about losing anymore.

Right when there was some tongue action getting in there my door swung open,

"Hey Bradley! I'm back early- what the fuck?"

I tried to sit up as a reflex, but Tristan seems to have froze three inches away from my face, so I was trapped under him in a quite awkward position.

Tristan's grip on my wrists tightened as he turned his head to stare at my Dad, and it actually got so tight that it kind of hurt.

"What the fuck is going on!?"  
My Dad yelled, and he shoved Tristan off of me.

"This is what you fucking do with your friends!?"  
He screamed at me, and I could tell Tristan was getting a bit heated.

"It's not his fault-"  
I appreciate tristan's efforts, but what he said made it sound like he was assaulting me, which he wasn't- but god that pissed my dad off.

"You shut the fuck up!"  
It didn't even register in my brain that my dad had just punched Tristan in the eye until I saw a bit of blood come out below his eyebrow.  
I should have been angry when I saw that, I should have screamed at my dad, but I didn't feel angry.  
I was just terrified.

I backed up as far as I could before I hit the headboard, which was only a few inches.

My Dad was yelling at me and Tristan, and I didn't even register what he was saying. If I tried listening I wouldn't be able to, I could only see him there freaking out.

I saw him move towards Tristan again after I think Tristan said something, and I put my hand on his chest and shoved him back.

It felt weird, me protecting Tristan and everything.  
This may sound kind of ridiculous, but I'm tiny compared to Tristan, and this wasn't the way it was in the stories.

The Prince rescues the princess and they live happily ever after or whatever, but where's the fairytale where the princess is another Prince? And where's the story where the princess saves the Prince? 

My life wasn't a fairytale though, and my father wasn't an evil dragon that Tristan had to slay.  
He was a pissed off middle aged man that I had to run from.

My Dad was still yelling while I grabbed Tristan's hand and my phone and practically yeeted ourselves out my window.

Okay, I didn't do that. I ran past my dad with Tristan and out the front door while he chased me, and we made it a block or two before we could slow down.

"Christ, I'm sorry."  
I said as I sat down on the sidewalk, i felt fucking terrible about what happened.

Tristan sat down beside me, and I got a good look at his eye for the first time.

It was already red and a bit puffy, but thankfully it wasn't actually bleeding. The skin was just broken.

"...So I'm guessing why that's why we don't go to your house alot?"

I couldn't help but laugh, it wasn't even funny, I was just awkward I guess.

"Yeah, that's exactly why."  
I sighed,  
"I thought he was going to be gone all night..."

I wish I remembered anything past that point, but I don't.


	21. Chapter 21

Awsten's p.o.v

There it was.  
There's that damn ringing again.

Brad's phone has been going on non stop for the past three hours.

Okay, I was going to let Brad sleep until he woke up on his own because he obviously had a rough night, but he's been sleeping for about sixteen hours, so I think I can go hit him with a pillow now.

I opened his door quietly, with Geoff trailing behind me, but he stayed right outside the door.

Brad was sprawled out across the bed,  and for a really small guy he managed to cover every inch of the double bed that was in the room.

I picked up a pillow off the floor that he appeared to have thrown off the bed, and I raised it above my head and started hitting him with it.

"Oh my god, why?"  
He groaned and covered his head with the blanket,  
"Its three pm! Get up!!"  
I kept hitting him with the pillow,   
"Oh my god! Fine!"

Brad sat up and rubbed his eyes, then glared at me.

"Come on man!"

"Your phones been ringing the past three hours, id suggest you answer it."

I left the room, and I may have been laughing slightly at brad.

Maybe having a teenager around would be fun.

Me and Geoff made our way back into the living room, and Geoff sat on the couch while I started rummaging around the kitchen.

I got Geoff a bowl of cereal, and I wasn't that hungry so I just got an apple.

Today I also made an appointment to get myself and Geoff tested for STDS, because ya know, we had sex and it was a bad idea.

About ten minutes later Brad stumbled out of my guest bedroom and made his way into the kitchen. I'm not even sure if he was even awake, but he was a man on a mission and that mission was for cinnamon toast crunch.

Brad sat next to me and Geoff on the couch, and he seems to have found my cereal rather well.

"So, who's been calling you the past three hours?"

Brad shrugged,  
"My Dad, it's not a huge deal though. Like, whatever lmao."

I felt like I had a stroke when I heard him say 'lmao' as an actually word, and it took alot to not beat his ass.

"Oh... Well then. Hey, what about school? Don't you have to go to that?"

"Im on summer holiday."  
Oh my god I don't know what month it is.  
Oh my god.

Since me and Geoff were gonna go get tested, and I definitely didn't want brad to go with us- I talked Deryck into staying here and babysitting him, but I'm not sure how to break the news to him that I believe he requires a babysitter.

"Yo, Brad."  
He looked up at me from his cereal, and made a grunting noise that I assume was teenager for 'yeah?'

"So, me and Geoff have an appointment in about an hour, so my friend is gonna come stay with you for a few hours, does that sound okay?"

Brad nodded and pushed his cereal around in the bowl, he hadn't eaten much of it.

"What's the appointment for?"

"Nothing your prepubescent ass needs to know about."  
Geoff muttered,   
"Big oof."  
Brad said in response.  
Im pretty up to date on what teenagers say and stuff, but what the fuck does 'big oof' mean?  
Good god I'm old.

There was a pause between all of us,  
Until I broke the silence.

"...Anyways, his name is Deryck. He's a pretty chill dude."

Brad nodded, and pushed the cereal around in his bowl more.

"Okay, cool."

Geoff got up and did the thing where he wanders around the apartment and opens random doors and stares into the room for a few minutes before moving onto the next one until we had to leave, and I explained to Brad why he did that, but he still seemed confused.

I heard a knock on my door, and it open a few seconds later, and it was Deryck who arrived a bit early, which was really unusual for him.

"So, Deryck, this is Brad."  
I gestured at the British teenager I had accumulated somehow, and rushed to leave with Geoff.

"Okay, see you later."  
Deryck said as me and Geoff left, and closed the door behind us.

We walked to my car, and I drove to the hospital while The Killers played on the radio.

"...Why is there another person.. Living with us?"  
Geoff asked me, and honestly I don't have a very good answer.

"He got into a pretty bad situation I guess, and he needs a place to stay for a while."  
Geoff nodded, thank god he accepted my answer.

We got there pretty quickly, and had to wait in a room full of people who made me and Geoff relatively uncomfortable.  
Great.

Thankfully it didn't last long, and they called Geoff's name first, but I came with him, of course.

The nurse tried to stop me,  
"You don't have to come with him."

Okay, bitch, excuse me?

Geoff was quick to grab my hand tightly,  
"I.. want him there."

She rolled her eyes, and I understood then that she was probably going to make this more difficult than it had to be.

"Okay, whatever. We just need a urine sample and to ask a few questions."

I closed my eyes briefly to keep myself from fighting this bitch, but I opened them fast enough that it just seemed like a slow blink.

"Okay."

She lead us to a room with one of those weird bed things, and Geoff sat on that while I took the chair.

"Okay, first question,"   
She took out her pen and clicked it,

"Are you sexually active?"

Geoff paused for a minute, and shrugged.  
"Yeah.."  
She nodded and scribbled on her sheet,  
"Do you use condoms consistently?"  
Geoff shook his head instantly, and something about that tells me I'm not the only one he doesn't use condoms with.  
"Do you have any pelvic pain?"

Geoff paused for a moment before answering that one,  
"A bit, but uh, it's not, that bad?"  
I didn't expect that answer, I wonder why Geoff didn't tell me?  
"Do you have pain while urinating?"  
Geoff nodded.  
Oh no.  
"Okay, last question, do you have sores or unusual discharge?"  
Discharge? Do guys get discharge? I know nothing about my own gender.

Geoff shook his head on that one, thankfully.  
"Alright, now we can move onto the next step."

Geoff hopped down from the bed thing, and i held held his hand.

She sighed, and lead both of us into a room to get Geoff's blood pressure taken and all that stuff.

Apparently they also wanted to take a blood sample from him, and I don't know if Geoff is afraid of needles or Not, but he seemed pretty okay with it.

The nurse took his blood really quickly, then she directed him to a bathroom where he could pee in a cup and give it to her.

Geoff didn't need any help with that thankfully, and he was out in a few minutes.

While Geoff was in there she started asking me the same questions.

"Are you sexually active?"  
"Yes."  
"Do you use condoms consistently?"  
"No."  
"Do you have pelvic pain?"  
"No."  
"Do you have pain while urinating?"  
"No."  
"Do you have any sores or unusual discharge?"  
"No."

"Alright, that's all."

Geoff came out from the bathroom and handed her the cup, and then I had to have my blood taken from me and piss in a cup, wow what a fun time.

We had to wait in the waiting room for about an hour after that to wait for the test results, we could have gone home for half an hour then came back, but what's the point in that?

"Awsten Knight and Geoff Wigington?"  
We both stood up, and thankfully it wasn't the same nurse as before.

"Hi! I'm Avril, nice to meet you!"  
She said with a smile and held out her hand for me to shake.  
I shook it pretty awkwardly.

"Alright, if you could just come with me we can go over your test results!"

She lead us into a room that was pretty similar to the last one, but it had a different arrangement.

Geoff sat on the table thing and I sat on the chair, and she started giving us some news I didn't want to hear.

"Okay, so, you both tested positive for chlamydia, but on the bright side it's really easy to treat. And Geoff, you tested positive for gonorrhea, but that's also really easy to treat, so I wouldn't worry too much."

Well, that fucking sucks.

"You've been prescribed some antibiotics that'll take care of the infections in no time,"  
She lead us back out of the room and gave us a sheet, and we were on our way to Wal-Mart to pick up the prescription.

 

Grace was working in the pharmacy that day, which was a little bit awkward since me and her used to date and now I have chlamydia, but we're still okay friends so it's not that huge of a deal.

We got what we needed and headed back, and when we came inside my apart was still in one piece, so that was a plus.

 

"Hey, we're home!"  
I said as we walked in the front door.

Brad was sitting on the couch playing on what I assume was Derycks DS, and Deryck was in the kitchen going through my fridge.

"Oh Hey!"  
Deryck said, and walked over to me.

"Im glad your back, I can't understand a word that kid says."

"I heard that!"  
Brad shouted from the couch.

Deryck rolled his eyes, and leaned against the wall.

"So? Any news?"

I took a deep breath, I didn't really want to tell Deryck about it but I know hed find out from Grace anyways so I might as well tell him.

"Me and Geoff have chlamydia, and he has ghonorrhea."

Deryck took an awkward breath in and exhaled,  
"Oh, that's rough man, anyways I gotta go."

He seemed to be in a rush ever since we got back, but I didn't pay much attention to it.

He left with barely a goodbye, and I plunked down on the couch next to Brad.

"Chlamydia eh?"

"Oh, shut up."


	22. 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been gone, I don't have a valid excuse I just didn't really have motivation and yeah soz this is so short oof but yeah hope y'all enjoy xx

Sorry I've been gone, I don't have a valid excuse I just didn't really have motivation and yeah soz this is so short oof but yeah hope y'all enjoy xx

Awsten's p.o.v

Me and Geoff were in my room watching tv, and honestly I wasn't paying attention.

I was actually thinking, since now me and Geoff know that we have stds, does that mean we can fuck?  
Or like, do we have to wait until it's gone to have sex?

I googled it, and I didn't find a whole lot, but I did gather that we should wait about a week before we can fuck.

Damn it.  
Well, that idea was right out the fuckin window.

"Hey Geoff?"  
He turned his head to look at me.  
"Do you want to go for a walk or something?"  
"Uh, yeah, sure."  
I got up, and Geoff was right behind me as I headed out the door.

The sun had long since set as we wandered around the neighborhood.  
Me and Geoff weren't really talking, and somehow my mind wandered to recall that Geoff was probably going to die within the next four years.

That can't fucking happen.

"Hey, Geoff?"  
Geoff reached over and grabbed my hand,  
"Yeah?"  
"Where do you think you'll go when you die?"  
Geoff paused and stared at the ground, and he didn't answer for a very long time.

"Well, I mean, I guess I never.. I guess I never really thought about it."

I didn't know how to continue the conversation, so I didn't.

We didn't talk much the rest of the time, and I started to feel kind of lonely with Geoff right beside me.

"Want to go back now?"  
I asked, and Geoff simply nodded.

On the walk back we ran into a random person on the street, and he looked pretty torn up.

Geoff stared at him oddly, then walked over to him swiftly.

I tried to grab geoffs hand to stop him, but he was already sitting beside the guy with his arm around him before I could do anything.

"Holy shit, Geoff?" He said, looking up from where his eyes were focused on the ground.

Wait what the fuck? What the fuck.  
Geoff has friends? Okay that was a rude thought. But what the fuck?

Geoff pulled the guy into a tight hug and I felt kinda weird. I don't want to say I felt jealous, but I definitely did.

Geoff pulled away and pointed at me,  
"That's, that's uh- fuck. That's awsten."  
The guy smiled as he looked at me, he looked kind of surprised, but in a good way.  
"You're not with Barry anymore?"  
Geoff shook his head and grinned.  
The guy didn't say something for a few seconds, but then he asked a question I never expected to hear.  
"So... Are you.. Clean?"  
He said the word 'clean' quietly, as if he didn't want me to hear. But I did and now my mind is racing to think of what Geoff could be clean from.

Geoff nodded and smiled even more. I could tell he was proud to be clean.  
"Yeah, for four years."  
"Dude that's amazing!"

They talked for quite a while longer, until the guy took out a sharpie and wrote a number on geoffs hand and left.

Geoff stood back up and walked back over to me,  
"Who was that?"  
I questioned as I grabbed his hand.  
"Maxx."  
I nodded, he seemed like a cool guy I guess.

We got home and went straight off to bed, since we were both pretty tired.

I checked on brad quickly and then was in my own room pretty quickly.

Geoff was on his side and looked like he already might be asleep, but I nudged him regardless.

"Hmm?"  
"What was Maxx saying about you being clean?"  
Geoff sighed, he didn't seem to like that question.

"Don't... Don't worry, about it."  
He mumbled and turned over to face me.

"Its over now, it doesn't matter."  
Geoff wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer, and was asleep within seconds.

Fuck.  
I have millions more questions about Geoff than I have answers.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeehaw it's a sad one boiz also happy Canada day from my Canadian ass

Awstens p.o.v

I can't believe I'm doing this.  
I cannot believe I would ever fucking do something like this.

I lifted geoffs hand delicately, trying my best not to wake him up as I typed the number written on his hand into my phone.

He began to stir and I gently put his hand down and left the room to go sit in the living room, I didn't want him to find out what I was doing.

I added the number to my contacts as 'Max' and argued with myself on whether or not to text him or not.

My better judgement lost as I typed a message out on the keyboard.

"Hey. Is this Max? This is Awsten, Geoff's boyfriend."

I hesitantly pressed send and waited impatiently for a reply while I browsed netflix for anything that might distract me.

Half an episode of Spongebob Squarepants later and I get a reply.

"Hey, it's Maxx. What's up?"

I debated on what to reply for quite a while, but in the end I decided to just cut right to the point.

"Sorry for prying, but what did you mean by Geoff being clean? I asked him and didn't get much of a reply."

My phone buzzed barely a minute later.

"Okay normally I wouldn't just tell somebody this but since you're his boyfriend I think it's fine. So basically Geoff had a really shitty boyfriend a while ago, his name was Barry, he smashed a bottle over geoffs head at some point and was abusive as fuck, and Barry did a lot of drugs. Especially heroine, and I'm sure you know Geoff isn't exactly hard to get to do something, you just say 'hey try this' and he will, and well, Barry did that to him with heroine. Geoff overdosed once or twice, and it was really fuckin scary."

I read the text and my mouth went dry.  
Its like all the liquid from my mouth moved into my eyes and suddenly I couldn't breathe.  
I didn't expect that. I didn't know what I did expect but it certainly wasn't that. I didn't think Geoff would ever do something like that. I thought maybe he could have been clean from something else, I don't know what- maybe something less serious, but it's fucking heroine.

I put my phone down and I took a deep breath, for a second I had my thoughts and self together but seconds aren't long and I fell apart at the seams right then right there.

I cried harder than I had ever cried in my life, just the thought of Geoff overdosing and dying made my head hurt and all my organs sink and shrink down to nothing.

I was crying loudly. I tried to silence myself by holding a pillow over my mouth but it barely worked as I still heard either mine or Brads bedroom door open. Great, I woke somebody up.

I tried to curl into a ball and become invisible. I'm supposed to be the responsible one here, I'm not supposed to cry, I'm supposed to be put together so I can take care of a teenager and my boyfriend.

But here I am, bawling my eyes out on my living room couch.

I heard footsteps getting closer to me but I didn't want to open my eyes, the tears just kept coming and coming and I didn't know what else to do other than try and make myself seem like I wasn't there.

I felt the couch sink down beside me and arms wrap around me.

"Hey, it's okay."  
Geoff said softly in my ear. My skin crawled, but not in a bad way, if that even remotely makes sense.

He kissed my temple and hugged me tighter while I just cried harder.

After a few minutes I felt his arm under my legs and behind my back, and I was being lifted up.

I cried into his chest as he carried me to our room and set me on the bed, and when he tried to leave the room I held on to his shirt and managed to stop crying enough to say "please don't go."

It didn't take much effort for him to pull my hands away, I thought he was going to leave but instead he walked around to the other side of the bed and laid beside me.

He pulled me as close as I could possibly be without literally being inside of him and wrapped his arm around me tightly and tangled his legs in mine.

"I love you."  
He said into my ear, and for some reason that made my crying become considerably less aggressive.

"I love you too.."  
I replied, and tightly hugged his arm.

"Why were you crying?"  
He whispered, and for a second I didn't want him to know I was snooping in his business, but he deserved to know.

"I.. I asked Maxx what he meant by you being clean, I'm sorry for digging- but he said you were addicted to heroine and I- fuck I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I love you so fucking much Geoff. Fuck."

"It's okay Awsten. I, it's over. I'm clean.. you- you don't have to worry."

I smiled very slightly, then I closed my eyes and we laid there in silence until we fell asleep.


	24. 23

Trigger warning for this chapter: mentions of self harm

Awsten's p.o.v

I was being shook awake and I didn't understand what was going on until I barely opened my eyes and caught a glimpse of Geoff's face.

"Hey, what's up?"  
I muttered groggily, the events of last night slowly coming back into my mind. I could feel a headache starting already.

"Why the fuck were you texting Maxx?"  
That was a straightforward sentence, and when those came out of Geoff's mouth he was serious. He also looked fucking pissed. This wasn't a good start.

I pushed Geoff's arms away from me and sat up.

"I had to text him because you never fucking tell me anything."  
"Because it isn't your fucking business."

I was taken aback, Geoff was pissed.

"Yeah well when I find out my fucking boyfriend has an abusive boyfriend and he was fucking addicted to heroine, that's something I need to fucking know. Have you forgotten I'm literally basically your caregiver?"

"It was years ago. I can- I, I can take care of myself, Awsten."

I stood up and walked closer to Geoff.  
"Is that so? Because you lived in a fucking trashcan for a month. My apologies for being concerned."

"I... I did that- I did it because, because I wanted to be closer to you!"

Geoff backed a foot or two, but not enough that he was backing down.

"fuck sakes Geoff you could have just talked to me, and anyways that's off topic. Look I'm sorry for prying, but you're always fucking keeping shit from me! Don't you think I deserve to know about your past?"

Geoff put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me backward, it was gentle but it scared me.

"You want to know about my fucking past? I was abused. I was abused by my family, my friends, and my partners. It went on until I was 22. Then I just fucking left. And now four years later I end up here living with a blueberry headed twat who won't get off my shit and thinks I need a babysitter, and a random fucking teenager that you just happened to pick up."

I don't know what it was about that, but fuck, all of that stung. It hurt that Geoff didn't stutter, he was just that fucking pissed. And he was abused, he also called me a twat which I don't appreciate. But Fuck, I can't cry right now. I can't fucking cry.

"Geoff... I-"  
"Awsten just shut the fuck up."

I closed my mouth, what else was I supposed to say? I obviously fucked up majorly and I don't even know how I can fix it. What am I supposed to do? Just unlearn about Geoff's past? What do I do? This isn't the kind of fight where you can hatefuck. There isn't sexual tension here, everything just stings and I don't like this at all and I don't know how to fix it and all I want to do is cry.

Geoff tried to leave the room, and I put my hand on his shoulder to try and stop him.

"Geoff, wait-"

He turned around and stared into my eyes.

"What is it, Awsten?"

"Last night... You told me you loved me. Can you still love me after this?"

Geoff sighed and placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it lightly.

"Of course."

That was it. That was the straw that broke the basket, or whatever the saying was. I looked into Geoff's eyes, took a deep breath, and just started crying my fucking eyes out. Why does this always happen? Why do I have to be such a pussy? Boys shouldn't fucking cry and here I am bawling my eyes out of my skull at the drop of a hat.

I tried to cover my face but Geoff pulled my hands away and I was left looking into his eyes again.

"Why do you always cry?"  
He asked. He looked like he was trying to look behind my eyes as if they were some sort of malfunctioning machine that made me cry uncontrollably all the fucking time.

"Because I'm fucking scared Geoff! I'm so scared of losing you, I'm scared to leave you alone, I'm scared when you get angry at me because when Ciara got angry at me it never ended well and I know I shouldn't be so afraid of you and afraid of everything but I am! I am, and I can't fucking help it because I'm always caught up in the same dark ending and I don't want that to happen to you or me and I just wish everything could be normal but it's not and nothing can fucking fix it!"

Geoff stared at me, and I thought he was going to say something, but he turned around and walked out of my room.

But then he left the apartment.

And then he left the building.

And I was left chasing after him yelling his name because if he leaves me I'll just rot away in my room and wallow in my own depression until I die.

"Geoff! Fucking hell Geoff, wait!"  
I called after him as he stopped right in front of the street.

"What the fuck.. Do you, want?"  
"For you to fucking stop! Fucking hell Geoff, for fuck sakes you can't just walk away from me!"

"Watch me."

Geoff took a step onto the street and then he was on the ground fifteen feet away and a truck was speeding off into the distance.

Everything got blurry and all I could hear were sirens and everybody was yelling and I couldn't tell where I was. I sat down on the street and covered my ears until I saw Geoff being hauled into an ambulance. 

I tried to go with him but I wasn't allowed for whatever reason, and after that everything was just little snippets of what was going on.

I was on the stairs. Then I was in my apartment. Then I was in my room. Then my door was baracaded by my dresser. Then I was holding a razor blade. Then everything got bad.


	25. 24

Patty's p.o.v

I was wrapped in Bens arms while we were catching up on Greys Anatomy when my phone buzzed with a text from Awsten.

"Hey this is Brad and you're the last person Awsten texted, idk what happened but Awsten locked himself in his room and I can hear him crying and I think he might hurt himself. Idk what to do"

I read the text and slowly got more concerned through it.

I finished reading it and typed a very quick "on our way" before I hauled Ben up and marched to my car, while Ben kept asking what was happening.

I told him on the drive while I was going like 15 over the speed limit, and I was at Awstens front door in a matter of minutes.

I didn't bother knocking, I opened the door and Brad was leaning against Awstens door saying his name over and over again.

Geoff was nowhere to be seen, and I think that might have been the issue.

Me and Ben walked over to the door and I knocked loudly on it,  
"Awsten open the door."  
"No, fuck off!"  
He yelled through muffled sobs.

I looked a Ben then looked back at the door.  
I pushed Brad away and without even a question me and Ben started raming our shoulders into the door.

Maybe two minutes go by and there's a crash and the door opens enough for us both to squeeze through.

Ben moved the dresser out of the way so the door would open fully.

I approached Awsten and kneeled in front of him, he was curled up on the floor in the corner of his room and Brad was unfortunately right about Awsten hurting himself.

There was blood all over the floor and it was still dripping out of his arms, and Awsten looked to be in a daze by now.

"Awsten! Awsten can you hear me?"  
He looked into my eyes and sighed, then muttered a 'yeah' and looked back down.

I noticed Awsten was fiddling with the razor in his hand and I took it away from him instantly.

I held both of his hands and sat in front of him.

"Ben, we have to get him to the hospital."

Awsten began frantically shaking his head,  
"No! No, fuck you! You can't make me go anywhere!"  
Awsten tried pushing on my chest but he was too weak at this point.

Ben helped me pick him up and carry him to my car, and on the way out of Awstens apartment I stopped in front of brad.

"Find anything sharp that he could hurt himself with, and either throw it away or flush it down the toilet."

Brad was as white as a ghost, but he nodded.

"Oh-okay."

I put Awsten in the back seat and got in with him while Ben drove to the hospital basically as fast as my car would drive.

Awsten leaned against my shoulder and he started to fall asleep.

I lightly slapped him across the face,  
"No! No falling asleep!"  
Awsten groaned and put his hand on my shoulder,  
"It was all my fault..."

He didn't talk the rest of the drive, but he stayed awake thankfully.

It wasn't too eventful after that, Awsten was put into a room for a suicide attempt, even though I'm not even sure if that's what he was doing, but it looked like he was going to make it out of this one alive.

Me and Ben waited in the waiting room, and Ben left once and that was to go pick up Brad so he could be here too.

Now all we had to do was wait for Awsten to wake up.

I had never actually met brad before, nor do I know why he lives with Awsten, but right now I honestly could not care less.

Maybe six hours after we had got there a nurse said we could go see him, but only one of us at a time.

I went in first and he groaned when he saw me.

"What happened?"

"You... You don't know?"  
I said, I tried hard to mask my disappointed tone but it didn't work very well.

I sat in the seat next to Awsten and held his hand,

"Only little tiny flashes.."  
He mumbled.  
"Well, what do you remember?"  
"There were lights, and there were sirens, and Geoff was gone then I was in my apartment then I was in my room, and then I was bleeding and now I'm here."

I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair,  
"It'll come back to you, buddy."

I sat there for a few minutes while Awsten stared at the wall, until he finally spoke again.

"Why do my arms hurt..?"  
"Awsten- You, well- you got hurt, okay? I don't know what you were doing, but I think you tried to kill yourself."

Awsten's eyes widened, but he didn't say anything else.


	26. 25

Awsten's p.o.v

No.  
There's absolutely no way I tried to kill myself.

Why would I even try to do that?  
What the fuck happened?

I looked up at Patty and noticed that he was holding my hand, but I didn't really give a shit at this point.

"Where's Geoff?"  
Patty bit his lip, and he looked nervous to tell me something.  
Where the fuck is Geoff?

"Awsten, I don't know."  
"Well fucking find out!"  
I started to panic and my heart monitor started going faster, and a nurse came into the room.

"Hey, what's wrong?"  
She said while I was trying to get up, but there were all these fucking things attached to me.  
"Where the fuck is Geoff?"

She looked over at Patty,  
"Who's Geoff?"  
Patty grabbed a part of my arm that wasn't bandaged and somehow got me back into the bed, and I'm not even sure how.  
"Geoff is his boyfriend. Geoff Wigington, I think?"

The nurse had this look on her face, the look just said 'I'm sorry' and then I was even more panicked than before.

"He's uh, he's a few rooms over, actually- poor thing, but he's alive. That's all that matters."

That didn't help.  
That didn't help at all.

I got out of my bed again and started yelling while trying to leave the room.  
"What the fuck happened to him!?!"

My brain kinda went fuzzy after that, but I could feel arms around my waist from behind, and I think Ben was holding my hands so I couldn't hit anybody, and Brad was in the corner and he looked terrified.

Fucking great. The one time I end up with a kid and all this shit goes down. I'm a terrible babysitter.

Some other nurses came into the room and then there was a needle being put in my neck, and I could feel myself falling, and before I hit the floor everything went black.

_______________________________________

I was beginning to gain consciousness again, but I didn't want to open my eyes yet.  
I felt arms around me. They weren't Geoff's, they were small, and skinny.   
I was clutching something soft, and it took me a few minutes to get my fingers to move so I could actually feel what was in my hand.  
It was fabric, like a cardigan kind of fabric.

I could hear quiet breathing, and when I finally opened my eyes I could see curly dark brown hair laying on my chest.

How long had I been out for?

"Hey,"   
I mumbled groggily,  
"Brad, Hey,"  
He shot up and looked at me,  
"Oh thank fuck you're awake."  
His voice cracked a few times, almost like He was going to cry, and he hugged me loosely.

I put both of my arms around him and smiled ever so slightly.

"Where's Geoff?"  
I asked quietly.

"Well, he's a few rooms over- you both got hurt, in different ways- Geoff's arm is broken and he might have hit his head, but he's going to be alright- but Awsten, Awsten you-"  
Brad paused to sniffle,  
"You baracaded yourself in your room and wouldn't come out- and Ben and Patty had to knock down your door- and there was blood, there was so much fucking blood.."

I squeezed him as tightly as I could without hurting myself,  
"I'm so sorry..."

I didn't know what else to say, and I don't think Brad did either. So we just sat in silence.

_______________________________________

I had been in this stupid hospital for two days now, and they still wouldn't let me go and see Geoff.  
I had barely eaten anything, I just couldn't stomach anything anymore.

Brad tried his hardest to stay with me the whole time I was here.

He didn't want to be home alone, and halfway through the first day I convinced him to go home with Ben and Patty.

Now I was just alone.

I heard the door open, and I thought it was going to be a nurse coming in and bitching at me 'you ate only 300 calories today and blah blah blah'. They seem to have speculated I have an eating disorder, which I don't- I just really, really cannot stomach anything while I'm in this fucking hospital.

But a nurse didn't walk in.  
Geoff did.

I sat up and pulled all the stupid shit that was attached to me off, and I ran over to Geoff.

He had a cast on his arm, and he also had a black eye, and a really big bruise on his forehead. 

I ran over to him as fast as my legs would carry me, and I hugged him so tightly that I think I knocked the wind out of him.

"Geoff I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry- it was all my fault, I'm so fucking sorry. Fuck."

The very quiet sound of teardrops hitting the floor rung around the room when Geoff put his arm that wasn't broken around me.

But they weren't my tears.

Geoff was crying.

I don't think I had ever seen Geoff cry before.

I looked into his eyes, and I would have cried if I had any tears left to fall.

"Come on, that's my thing."  
I said jokingly, but it barely lightened the mood.

Geoff smiled, and he ran his fingers through my hair and pulled me into a kiss.

It felt so fucking good, me and him hadn't had a kiss like this in so. Fucking. Long.

But it was gone too soon.

"Hey, guys, Hey!"  
The nurse yelled at us, and eventually had to pull us apart.

She pointed at Geoff,  
"You're not supposed to leave your room,"  
And she pointed at me,  
"And you're not even supposed to leave your bed! Come on, people!"

"When can I leave?"  
I asked, and she sighed and rolled her eyes.  
"Technically today, but I would recommend a psychiatric evaluation before you go-"  
"When can Geoff leave?"  
"Actually he can also leave today, he's damnwell lucky he got away with a broken arm and no more brain damage."  
"Why the fuck are you telling us that we should be in our rooms then?"

She went quiet, and I grapped Geoff's hand, and briefly talked to the front desk so they knew I was leaving.

I was in the parking lot before I realized I don't have my phone on me, and my apartment is too far to walk.

"Well, Fuck."  
I mumbled, and walked back into the hospital.

I used their phone to call Otto, since he was literally the only person I had ever memorized the phone number of. And thankfully he could pick us up.


	27. 26

Geoff's p.o.v

It had been a few weeks since we had gotten back from the hospital, at least that's what Awsten told me- but it doesn't seem like it.  
Sometimes I keep track of days by how often Awsten gets out of bed, but Awsten barely leaves his room anymore, so I cant really keep track if the system doesn't work.

He hasn't left his bed except to eat and go to the bathroom since we got home.  
Sometimes at night I think he cries, but no noise comes out. He just shakes until he falls asleep.

He's lost weight.

I don't know how much, but he's a bit smaller.  
His hair isn't blue anymore.

"Awsten,"  
I tapped his back lightly, and he groaned.  
"What do you need?"  
"Are you okay?"  
Awsten sighed, and turned to look at me.  
"Geoff, it's nothing you need to worry about."

But I am worried. Why shouldn't I be?

"You haven't showered in..."  
I paused to think,   
"Six days?"  
"Ugh, I know. I'll get around to it, okay?"

I frowned,

"Awsten, come on."

"No."

I rolled my eyes and put my arm that wasn't broken under Awsten, and lifted him out of the bed as best as I could.

"Geoff, what are you doing?"  
"You need a shower."  
"No I don't, fuck off."

Awsten tried to push on my chest, but he was honestly really weak compared to me, so it didn't do much.

We got to the bathroom and I finally let go of him.

"I don't want to showerrrr..."  
He whined,  
"Well that sucks for you."

I closed the door behind us, and I lifted Awstens shirt over his head.

I haven't seen him wear anything but long sleeves since we got home from the hospital, it baffles me that he isn't warm all the time.

Awsten pinned his arms to his side's once his shirt was off, and for a second I didn't understand Why, but I recalled that there were scars all over his arms now, and I've kind of gathered he doesn't like them.

"Geoff, I don't need your help-"  
He said as I was pulling down the sweatpants he's been wearing for like a week.

"Then do it yourself."  
Awsten sighed and within a few seconds his pants and boxers were on the floor beside him.

Within a few minutes he was in the shower, and I made my way into the kitchen.

He was in there for a long time, and after half an hour I decided to check on him.

I pulled back the shower curtain, and he was sitting with his knees to his chest staring at the shower floor.

"Awsten?"  
He looked up at me and frowned.  
"You okay..?"

He looked back down, and I sighed and started taking my own clothes off.  
I had to put a plastic bag over the cast on my arm because it wasn't supposed to get wet, which was only a bit annoying.

I got into the shower with him and sat across from him, but he didn't look up at me or anything.

"Geoff, I don't know what's wrong with me."

He finally said, he held the inner side of his arms to his stomach, I think he was hiding them, as if I hadn't already seen them.

"Nothing."

I said, it was simple. There isn't anything wrong with Awsten. Why can't he see that?

I gently took hold of Awstens hands, and folded his arms away from his chest.

The scars were bad.

They went all up both of his arms and they were obviously deep, they hadn't even completely healed yet.

Awsten looked away, I couldn't tell if he was crying because of the water, but I feel like he was.

"They change... your appearance,"  
I gently ran my fingers along some of the ones that have healed,  
"Not- not, who you are."

Awsten looked into my eyes,  
"They change how people think of me."  
"Why?"  
"Because I'm weak."  
I didn't understand. I don't see a connection between weak and awsten's scars.  
"Didn't it hurt?"  
Awsten shrugged, and shook his head.  
"No, I couldn't really feel anything."  
"You're not weak."

I could tell just by Awstens eyes that he didn't believe a god damn word I said. 

We weren't in the shower much longer, I ended up washing his hair because he bitched about not wanting to until I just gave up on convincing him to.

Afterwards we were lying in bed, and Awsten fell asleep.

_______________________________________

Awsten's p.o.v

"I see you shiver with antica....."  
I opened my eyes as I was woken up by the T.V blaring,  
"..pation."  
What the fuck is Geoff watching?  
"BUT MAYBE THE RAIN ISN'T REALLY TO BLAME-"

I started searching for the remote,  
"Jesus fuck, Geoff turn that down!"  
I swear my neighbors could hear it blasting through my apartment, and were definitely judging us for whatever Geoff was watching.

Geoff did turn it down though, and I couldn't figure out what the fuck he was watching.

"What the fuck is that?"  
He handed me a movie case, and the cover was red and had a pair of lips on it, and in bold letters said 'THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW'.  
Christ, I forgot I even owned that.

My phone started to ring, and I externally groaned at the thought of social interaction.  
I prayed it was just Otto or Patty or whoever, but I was kind of surprised when 'Mom' came up on the caller ID. God, I haven't talked to her in a while.

"Oh hey Mom, what's up?"  
I answered, I had to use one of the fakest voices I've ever spoken in just so my mom wouldn't think I wanted to die as much as I did currently.

"Hey! We haven't spoken in a while, just thought I'd check in and see if you wanted to come over for dinner sometime. If Ciara is in town you could bring her along!"

Oh fuck. Have I really not talked to my mom in so long that I never mentioned that me and Ciara broke up? Does she even know Geoff exists? Fucking hell, she probably doesn't.

"Oh, uh- actually, me and Ciara broke up." I said, it was a bit awkward being honest.  
"Oh, Why?"  
I could hear she was a bit dissapointed, she always did like Ciara.  
"Ah, she cheated on me repeatedly and then got jealous of my roommate who has dementia who I also had a huge crush on at the time and then I cheated on her with him and he told her and then we broke up."  
Is what I would have said, if I wasn't such a pussy.

"It just didn't work out."  
Is what I actually said.

"Oh, well are you seeing anybody New?"  
She asked, I could hear she was skeptical of my answer.  
"Uh, yeah- I am."  
Oh my god please don't say I can bring Geoff. Please no. I don't want to come out. I'm perfectly comfortable curled up in the back of my closet where I belong.

"Okay, great! Bring her along, so I'll see you tomorrow at around five?"

My entire body tensed up and I shut my eyes tightly,  
"Sounds great mom, love you, bye."  
"Okay, love you too, bye!"

I hung up and groaned,  
It wasn't that I didn't want to see my Mom, I just don't want to see anybody right now.   
What if she asks why I'm wearing long sleeves? What if she doesn't like Geoff? What if she doesn't accept that I'm with Geoff? Oh god there are so many things that can go wrong.


	28. 27

Awsten's p.o.v

It was an hour before we were going to leave to go to my mom's house, and I was so anxious I felt like my entire body was going to explode or something.

I wore a hoodie and a long sleeved shirt, and it's the middle of summer, so I'm probably just going to die. Which is fine, I guess.

I was also worried about bringing Geoff, what if my family doesn't like him? I'm probably going to have to explain everything about him before they even meet him, just so my family doesn't get the wrong ideas about him or anything.

I was staring at a mirror, and trying as hard as I could to look less dead, I even considered putting on makeup- but I didn't own makeup, nor do I know how to put it on. So that idea was kind of impossible.

I was trying to fix my hair for the hundredth time, and Geoff came into the bathroom and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me.

He kissed my neck and messed up my hair, but that somehow made it fall into the correct place, so I wasn't too mad.

"You look fine."

For some reason Geoff's speech had been getting significantly better, he still struggled with larger sentences- but he could say smaller ones with no problem for the most part.

The time for us to leave came a bit too soon, and we were off to my parents house.

The drive didn't take too long, and I made Geoff wait in the car while I went and explained his situation.

"Hey Awsten! I haven't seen you in so long!"  
My mom greeted me with a hug, and I hugged her back, but she could probably tell something was off.  
"Honey what's wrong?"

"Okay, I just have to tell yall something about my, uh- significant other."  
My mom nodded, urging me to go on while I got the attention of my dad and my sister.

"Well, they uh- they have dementia, to sum it up. It's not that bad, but that's why they act a bit strange, and don't talk much. Just letting you know beforehand."

My family nodded and seemed to understand, my parents paid no attention to me using gender neutral pronouns for Geoff, but I think my sister caught on pretty quick.

"Alright, uh- I'll go get them."  
I went back to my car, and I walked back in with Geoff a few minutes later.  
My anxiety was through the roof, but Geoff held my hand tightly, and it helped a bit.

We walked in the front door, and nobody looked all that surprised.  
My sister probably bet somebody that I would have a boyfriend eventually, and I doubt my mom ever really thought about my sexuality. Neither has my dad I don't think, but the room was uncomfortably silent for a while.

My mom finally broke the silence, thankfully.

"Oh! You're uh, you're not what we expected."  
She laughed nervously, but this is already going better than I thought it would.

She held out her hand for Geoff to shake, which was a bit different- normally she would hug my girlfriends when she met them, but I guess this was a lot to take in.

Geoff shook her hand, which is great. Normally he would just stare at the person and walk away.

"I'm awsten's mom, it's great to meet you!"  
"I'm Geoff."  
He smiled politely at her, and there wasn't actually any discussion around my sexuality, thank God.

_______________________________________

We were eating dinner, and it was really warm- I had already taken my hoodie off, but I was still in a long sleeved shirt that was literally killing me.

When my mom started to go on about how I should dress for the weather, i started to panic a bit.

"You should have just worn a T-shirt,"  
"I know, Mom."  
"You could borrow one of your father's."  
"No, it's fine mom."  
"But you're sweating-"  
"I seriously don't want a t-shirt,"  
My tone came off as a bit more angry than I meant it to, and I automatically felt bad.  
My heart already felt like it was beating out of my chest, but when my sister asked me to go into the next room with her to talk I swear it just blew up in my chest and was decomposing rapidly.

"Oh, yeah- sure."  
I said as I stood up and followed her into the guest bedroom.

"What is up with you?"  
That's a fucking loaded question.  
"Nothing, I'm just tired- I've been busy with work lately."  
"Awsten you work at walmart."  
God, don't remind me.  
"Seriously, you're actually wet you're sweating so much-"  
"I can't wear short sleeves anymore, okay!?"  
My voice rose a bit, but not enough for anybody else to hear me.

Gracie's eyes widened, and I think she knew what was up.

"Its not just work, is It?"  
I sighed and shook my head, and I let her grab my arm and roll up my sleeve.

"Awsten, oh my god-"  
"Its not that bad, okay?"  
I pulled my arm away and pulled my sleeve down.

"What happened?"  
I didn't feel like avoiding that question anymore. I didn't want to beat around the bush, I just flat out told her what happened, starting from Geoff seeing Maxx while we were walking and ending on us leaving the hospital.

I didn't cry while I told her, which was definitely an accomplishment for me. Since all I ever seem to do anymore is cry.

We had a short conversation about it, and that's how I liked to keep it- short. I didn't want to talk about it. If all I ever did was talk and think about it it would never go away. And this kind of thing is something you want gone as fast as it can possibly go.


	29. 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck y'all I forgot to post this, sorry boiz

Awsten's p.o.v

We were back home now, and I was honestly in a better mood than I had been in months.

I didn't think coming out to my parents would go that well- Like, they didn't even mention it or anything, it was just 'Oh, this isn't a girl- okay cool'.

Geoff also dealt with it pretty well, he didn't freak out or anything- he even spoke a few times! 

It may seem like I was excited about the bare minimum, but I honestly expected way worse than what happened, so I was probably just happy that I didn't feel like utter shit.

I'm really not to fond of my sister finding out about all that's happened the past little while, I just wanted it to be done, be over with, bury it in my past and let it go forever, but I guess it's just one of those things that always comes back to haunt you.

I let Geoff pick a random movie off of my selection of movies that I didn't even know I owned, and so we were sitting on my couch watching a movie called 'dream a little dream'.  It wasn't a bad movie, it had the two guys from the lost boys in it, what were their names.. Corey and.. Corey?   
They were famous in the eighties, anyways.

My head laid in Geoff's lap while I focused on the movie, and Geoff had taken to playing with my hair.

Maybe three quarters through the movie I got up to grab a snack or whatever from the kitchen, and I recalled that that was literally the second time I had eaten that day, which in hindsight, this is probably why I'm losing weight.

My BMI used to be about 20.7 or something, which was categorized as normal, and now it's 17.6 which is categorized as underweight.  
I wasn't losing weight purposely, and I wasn't making an effort to not eat enough- I guess it just kind of happened, I don't know, maybe I haven't lost weight and my scale is wrong.

I'm just never hungry anymore.

I guess I've been doing pretty badly the past few weeks, sometimes I don't even get out of bed until six pm- which is a terrible habit to have.

I've taken a while off of work, or- well, it wasn't a personal choice, Deryck categorized me as 'mentally unfit to continue working' for an undetermined period of time.  
It was a paid leave though, so it's fine I guess.


	30. 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayye I'm back lmao

Awsten's p.o.v

While I was sulking on my couch with Geoff somebody knocked on my door, and I groaned loudly. Could people just fuck off for today? Like, oh my god. Leave my alone.

I forced myself to get up and open the door, and standing in front of me was a middle aged man, and a woman around the same age. I'm not interested in their religion god damn it.

"Can I help you?"  
I asked, trying to mask my annoyed, dissatisfied tone.

"We're looking for Bradley."  
The woman said, her tone was rude as fuck, and I'd rather just close the door on her, but I was too polite for that.

"Uh, can I ask why?"  
I said, and I felt an arm on my side and became aware that Geoff was standing beside me.

"Because he's our son. Where is he? Did you take him??"  
The man's tone rose, and I felt Geoff's grip on my side tighten.

"No, I found him fucking wet and alone. Where were you? Why didn't you know where he was? What kind of fucking parents are you to drive your sixteen year old son to somehow end up in America for god sake!"  
I said, I barely even knew brad but I'll tell ya I will fucking fight people for him, I don't give a shit if they're his parents. He lives with me now.

"Who the hell are you to tell us how to parent?! You're a kid yourself! You don't know what it's like to have a kid!"  
His mom yelled, and I rolled my eyes.  
"I may not have kids, but I know damnwell I shouldn't give their fucking boyfriend a black eye. Like, what the actual fuck? How much of a homophobic piece of shit do you have to be to do something like that??"  
I was getting kinda angry,   
"How the fuck did you even find him?"

"We tracked his phone, and don't you fucking tell me what we should do with OUR kid. You know we could sue you!"  
"On what fucking grounds?!"  
It wasn't me who yelled that, in fact it wasn't Geoff either, me and Geoff turned around to see Brad standing behind us.

"Bradley! There you are! Come on, we're going home."  
Brads mother said, her tone was so artificially sweet it made me want to throw up, and I'm glad Brad didn't fall for it.

"I think the fuck not."  
He said, I held in my laughter- because this was a serious situation and laughing was- oh, nope I failed.  
I let out a bit of a snicker, but I don't think anyone heard it.

"Excuse me?"  
His father's head was turning red and it looked like it may explode, but that didn't stop brad from just telling him right the fuck off.

"You heard what I fucking said you daft cunt, I'm not going anywhere with you."  
Brad crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, and he seemed to have a silent stare off with his father.

"You're fucking stupid, Bradley. This whole gay thing is obviously just a phase, and it's not a reason to leave home! So when you decide you're normal don't come crying back to us."

Oh boy did I ever want to fucking punch this man, and I think Geoff could tell because I felt his hands around my wrist and him silently pull them behind my back.

He wasn't holding on tightly or anything, I could very easily get out of this- but I don't think my not being able to escape was his goal, I think that his goal was just to remind me that Brad was technically not our child, and I couldn't punch his dad in the face.

"Do you really think I fucking left because I was gay? Really? You punched my boyfriend in the face and gave him a black eye, and you think I left because I was trying to be rebellious? I left for my fucking safety, dimwit."  
Brad pushed himself off the wall and walked closer to his parents, or- maybe they're not his parents anymore. I mean sure, anyone can have a child. But raising one? Difficult as fuck. And it's apparent his parents didn't do a very good job.

"Listen here you fucking faggot, you're going to come home with us without another word, are we clear?"  
The vien in his dad's head looked like it was going to pop out of his skull, and I fought the urge to poke it and then laugh to myself because weird shit entertains me.

Without another word from any of us, Geoff let go of my hands and stood in front of me.  
He made very brief eye contact with Brads father, and the next thing I know there was a large cracking noise, and Brads father hit the wall on the other side of the hallway.

Geoff backed up slightly, waved at them, and then slammed the door and locked it.

I'm pretty sure Geoff broke that guys nose.

"Holy fuck, Geoff! Is your hand okay??"  
My protectiveness kicked into overdrive as I started scrambling around to get Geoff an ice pack and some pain killers, while I don't even know if geoffs hand is even hurt.  
He hasn't even spoken yet.

"Awsten- I'm, I'm fine. I don't-"  
I shushed Geoff as I got him to sit down on the couch and hold the ice pack over his bruising knuckles, and then my protectiveness kicked into overdrive again, but this time it was over brad who was slumped against the wall looking very justifiably upset.

"Oh, fuck- brad, sit down."  
I lead brad over to the couch and sat him beside Geoff, and I raided my brain on what to do.

I can't give him an ice pack to ease what his dad said, I don't know what I can do- I don't really have anything that helpful, so all I can think to do is sit beside him and rub circles on his back until he decides that he wants to say something.

"He's always been like that, you know?"  
Brad said quietly, and sighed.  
"He's always just been so angry at me, all the time. My mom wasn't as bad, fuck, she wasn't around enough to be dissapointed in me. But my dad picked apart every little thing I did. It fucking sucked."

I didn't quite know what to say, how do you comfort a kid who's parents are psychopaths?

"You can choose your parents, you know?"  
I finally said, and brad gave me a curious look.

"Sure, there's the people who created you, and you can choose to have them as your parents, or you can be raised by different family members, fuck you can even raise yourself on music as a replacement for parents, but just trust me- you can choose your family. If they won't accept you others will."

I didn't think what I said was tear worthy, so imagine my surprise when tears started falling from Brads eyes and he gave me a tight hug, that lasted quite a while.

I rubbed circles on his back until he pulled away, and when he did he hugged Geoff.

He whispered 'thank you' in geoffs ear, and they pulled away a bit quicker than me and brad had.


	31. 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry I've been gone for so long, some good ol stuff came up and I've been so heckin busy yall

Awsten's p.o.v

You know, I really thought I would get better.  
I thought maybe going to my parents house, talking to people, coming out- I thought that could be a big breakthrough and I might just be able to get out of bed after that.  
That is not how it went down.

It hasn't been all that long since Brad's parents decided to show up, maybe a day, maybe two, I don't know. I can't keep track of time anymore. I wish I could say I was worried that they would call the police, but right now I don't think I care about anything.

I was laying in bed with Geoff next to me, and I was blankly staring at the ceiling like I always seem to do nowadays.

I really wish I knew what was wrong with me.

It was just this constant weight on my chest that made it so, so hard to get out of bed. It was hard to talk, to even function. 

I wish I wasn't like this.

"Awsten."  
I heard Geoff's voice, but I wasn't listening. You would have to hit me in the head with a baseball bat and then scream at me whatever you wanted to say to ever get me to listen.

"Awsten, come on."  
That was not Geoff. I couldn't put enough energy into bothering to know who it was, but I knew it wasn't Geoff.

Suddenly, I was being yanked into a sitting position.

I could barely see the three people around me. I was too drained to focus my eyes, but I could see red hair, blond hair, and brown hair.

Fuck, it's Patty and Ben.

They're always up in here trying to get me to do things to 'make myself feel better', ugh. Just leave me alone until I decompose and become one with my mattress.

"Awsten, come on."  
Patty was the one who said that.  
"No."  
I grunted.  
"You don't have a choice."  
"Fuck you."

I was being hauled out of my bed now, but I was a deadweight. Hah, I'm no match for th- fuck wait, there's three of them. I damnwell know that just Geoff alone can lift me. Okay, maybe they will win this time. I'm still not putting on pants.

Ben put his arms under mine before I could fall, and I could barely even process the fact that Geoff and Patty were literally putting my pants on for me.  
Okay, that's pretty fucking humiliating and now I feel very unreasonably upset.

"Fuck off."  
I finally had enough motivation to get my feet on the ground, and the first thing I did was start to shove Patty and Geoff away from me. I turned around and shoved Ben too, but it was like I was watching myself from a movie screen. God, what am I doing? I'm hurting the people I love, that's what I'm doing. I wish I could stop.

I was yelling at them and I don't even know what I was saying, but it was pretty bold of me to assume I could take on three grown ass men, who as of right now are all stronger than me.

Let's just say I was sitting in the back of Patty's car with Geoff holding my wrists so I wouldn't freak out within seven minutes.

"Where the fuck are we even going?"  
I asked, anger was still clear in my tone.  
"We're taking you to see a therapist, Awsten."  
Ben answered, turning from the passenger seat to look at me.

"What? Why? I'm fine."  
My denial was overbearing. I could feel the look of disappointment and concern Geoff was giving me, and I truly couldn't bring myself to look, because I know if I did it would break my heart.

"Awsten it's okay, we've all been there. You just need some help, and this guy is just going to tell us what kind of help you need."  
Patty said, it was hard to argue with Patty. His voice was so nice, I feel like I'm calling my mom a bitch when I disagree with him.

"I don't need help."  
I mumbled, and nobody replied that time. Geoff kissed my temple lightly, and I had a realization me and Geoff hadn't even really kissed in like, a month.

That kind of hit me hard. I don't even know why, maybe it's because I can't function as a human being anymore. Who knows. 

We pulled up to this guys office soon enough, and I trailed behind Ben and Patty, holding onto Geoff like some scared little kid who was in trouble.

It hardly took five minutes before I was talking to a therapist. Of course, because of special circumstances (Ben, Geoff, and Patty doubted I would bother talking) Patty was in the room with me. Normally it would have been Geoff, but it was agreed Patty would be the best.

"So, Awsten. How are you feeling today?"  
"I'm fine."  
I answered quickly, but of course patty had to be there to tell the therapist the truth. Ugh.  
"Getting out of bed and coming here was a literal fight, and he seems especially unmotivated today."

The therapist, his name was Nick, nodded, and he wrote it down on a notepad.

"How have you been the past week?"  
"Normal."  
"Below rock bottom."  
Why does Patty have to read me so god damn well. Damn it.

Nick nodded, and he wrote that down too.

"Awsten have you ever had thoughts about hurting yourself?"  
This one was harder to answer. It took me a second, and I pulled down my sleeve instinctively.  
"No."

Patty looked at me, and we briefly made eye contact. I could just see how much I was upsetting him. God, why do I fuck everything up?

"He attempted suicide six weeks ago."  
Patty said. And no, he's wrong. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I don't know what I was doing, but it can't be that. Can it?

"Patty, shut up."  
I muttered as I stared at the ground.  
Patty didn't answer.

Nick wrote another thing down. I wanted to burn his fucking notebook.

"Awsten, what brings you here?"  
"I don't know. I'm fine."  
Patty sighed, god. I hate how much I'm hurting him.

"He's been severely depressed. I'm afraid if he doesn't get help he's going to die of starvation or something."  
Patty said, and I could barely believe he was worried about me. I mean, I can't be that bad, can I?

"How long have you been feeling like this?"  
Nick asked.   
"Years."  
I mumbled. Fuck, I shouldn't have said that. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.   
"Years?"  
Nick repeated, and I nodded.  
"Its just.. it's been so, so much worse."

I hated how I opened up. This guy was a complete stranger, what does he deserve to know?

He asked me more questions that were basically just rephrasing what he's already asked me, so maybe I would answer instead of Patty. It didn't work too well.

I walked out of there barely forty five minutes after I came, and the only thing I had gained was a diagnosis for major depression.

I really don't think I have major depression. Maybe I've been kind of bummed out the past few weeks, and maybe I've been kind of bummed out the past few years- but isn't everybody like that? I don't want people feeling bad for me. That's the last thing I want, and now all my friends have shown up to my pity party. Fuck.


	32. 31

Awsten's p.o.v

The therapist had told me that maybe, in the meantime while he figures out what will help me best with my 'depression', I should try a few different things to get back into the swing of things. I should try exercising, maybe going outside more, being more intimate with Geoff- but maybe he didn't understand. The reason I was there is because I can't do any of those things.

Well, emotionally? I could probably do those things. Physically? Nah.

Maybe I should just make Patty and Ben move in with me so they can take care of me until I can finally get back into the swing of things.

That would be like, a dream come true. But I damnwell know that won't happen. So, out of the things Nick suggested, being more intimate with Geoff seemed the easiest.

In this moment I kind of feel jealous of Patty and Ben, honestly. I mean, well- okay, we're all adults here, so I'm just gonna say it. They fuck like rabbits.  
I mean, I don't even know how they keep up with each other. How does Patty even walk? Like, Jesus Christ.  
I would ask them for advice, but that would be awkward and weird. I can't just hit them up with 'hey why do y'all fuck so much and how can I do that'.   
I mean, they would probably answer, but it's way more awkward on my side.   
I said 'I mean' a fuckton during that. Damn it.

I know I'm lying to myself when I have small hopes that certain things will help. I really can't see anything helping the way I've been lately. Especially with the stupid markings all up and down my arms. 

They weren't the stereotypical kind of scars, I guess. They weren't just straight lines that were neatly across my wrists.   
There were those, but then there was a whole bunch more on top of them, and then more on top of that- they all pointed in different directions. Some were deep, some not as much. Some were clean straight lines, some curved a bit. You could barely see unscarred skin on my inner arms. Who knew that all that could happen within the span of maybe fifteen minutes.

Geoff liked reassuring me that they didn't change me, they didn't change who I was- that it was fine to show them. But, you know? I don't like people seeing them all that much. I don't care if they don't change me, I care about people looking at me and wondering what happened, what's wrong with me, if I'm mentally stable, and whatever. I don't like having people concerned about me. I fucking hate it, so that's why, no matter how much they made fade overtime, I'm just going to have to get used to never showing anybody anything ever.  
I'll keep all my emotions in my chest until the day I die.

"Awsten?"  
Geoff looked over at me, he was sitting at my desk.  He looked a bit confused, like I was doing something weird.

"Yeah?"  
"You were muttering."  
"Oh."

Of course I was talking to myself. Jesus, I didn't even notice.   
I guess since I'm having a conversation right now I better say something before i go non-verbal. I saw alot of posts about that, all these things on Tumblr like 'what to do if your friend goes non-verbal' and 'why I go non-verbal', and I didn't really understand it. why can't they just speak? But now I understand. It's not that I can't speak, it's that I won't. No matter how hard I try to tell my brain to speak, all the convincing I tried, i just couldn't force words out of my mouth. 

"Hey Geoff?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Wanna have sex?"

I was about as surprised by that question as Geoff was. I wasn't really that horny, but like, it's been months. I should probably get down to doing the dirty at some point or another.

I don't know if I really wanted to have sex. Like, I do- but I could very easily go without it. But it doesn't really matter, my body is going to respond regardless, so even if my mind is like 'I could be eating hot Cheetos and watching friends right now' my dick is going to be like 'yeah but this is pretty cool'.  
I hope so, anyways.

"Uh, yeah- Uh, I mean, yeah. Sure."  
Geoff stammered, and I couldn't help but laugh a bit.

"Come here, then."  
I said, and I watched Geoff bolt from the desk chair to the bed. Within like, two seconds he was straddling me and my arms were pinned to the mattress.

Honestly, I could go on, but I'm not going to. We fucked. There, I just saved like, a thousand words.

I laid my head on Geoff's shoulder while we watched a movie afterwards. We were watching The Land Before Time, to be exact. And wow, I've cried more during this movie than I have in the past month, and that says a lot.

I hate seeing how little foots mom died to save him. That shit hurts, on a deep emotional level. Now I'm going to be thinking about that when I go to bed tonight, and it's going to keep me awake for hours because I know I should be more grateful for my own mother, but for some fucked up reason I'm not.

I think Geoff had either dissociated entirely or he was asleep with his eyes open. Either way, he was completely out of it. I tried nudging him, but he didn't move. I also tried saying his name, and saying I would make pizza rolls, but he just wouldn't budge.

"Fuckin, brachiasaurus is a dumbass word." Geoff finally muttered, and then his eyes closed and he fell asleep.

Alright. It could have been worse. He could have said something significantly weirder, but it was just that, so I'm thankful.

 

I stared at the ceiling for a while after Geoff fell asleep. There wasn't much better to do. I could get up, take a shower, go eat something, but you know what? None of those things even seem remotely important to me. Now that I'm laying in my bed, as I always do, I can't help but wonder when I'm going to break down and rot into my mattress. And I wonder if Geoff will rot with me.


End file.
